For all of you who thought about closing up shop after last year’s Forbes singles listing, thank the gods that we have Dan on the case to sort things out:

The biggest difference was that Forbes, which publishes the list every year, had changed its methodology. To judge a city’s online dating scene, it stopped using the number of Match.com personals and counted how many Yahoo! Personals were listed.

Providence dropped from number 14 in the online dating category to number 40, dragging it down to the bottom spot overall and prompting a combination of surprised soul-searching and self-satisfied “I told you so’s” in the city’s blogosphere.

So don’t make that cheesy-ass move to Portland, SF, NYC, or Philly just yet.  (Stick it out for the summer, anyway.  It’s worth it for the kickball, even if you’re not getting laid.)

And just a hunch, but I’m guessing we can take credit for news of that monster truck crash turning up in the paper of record:

Providence has found its way onto lists of every type, some fitting, some bizarre, some contradictory: number 10 most “livable” city, according to MSN in 2003; number 10 most miserable city, according to Forbes in 2008; site of the number-7 best monster truck crash of all time, according to truckchamp.com. Ninth most dental visits per population, says Men’s Health magazine.

The end of this is quite creepy, what with the pigeon-petting and sneak attack by that shadowy figure.

In case you were wondering, honesty is not dead in the digital age. Today on craigslist, the best men seeking women personal of the day:

The headline reads: “ I just want to get laid.”

Who doesn’t?

The text of the ad reads:

“I don’t want to meet your mother or father. I don’t care about your personal life, your history or your dreams and aspirations. I just want to fuck you. It’s natural, I’ve got the penis and you’ve got the vagina. Hopefully they fit together. The rest of these guys are just yanking on your chain to get down your pants after some cheap pizza and beer. All men are scumbags and I am the only honest scumbag left on the planet. You read this far so obviously you are not all that disgusted so send me a photo and Ill send you one of mine.”

The honesty of this ad is refreshing. Why more people don’t just put it right out there like this astounds me. I’d like to shake this guy’s hand.

It’s best to know a little bit about a lot of things if you want to finish in the money (and by money I mean t-shirts and glasses) at the famous Wild Colonial Pub Quiz. Come tonight and test your broad-but-superficial knowledge against other savants and know-it-alls. Yup, despite the holiday, it’s on. And if your mom don’t like it, tell her you hope to win her a real nice present (it helps if she’s a size XXXXL and likes Jose Cuervo). Form a team of one to four people who have a wide range of interests — good friends who will forgive you when you confidently talk them out of the correct answer. There will be several categories such as; current events, maybe sports, music (audible), maybe history or movies, and perhaps… tonight… mothers!

Starts at 8PM/The Wild Colonial Tavern/250 South Water Street/621-5644

Thanks to Bell Biv Devoe’s weird sense of spelling, it just took me half an hour to track down this song which, incidentally, I didn’t remember was by BBD and also which sounds ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like I remembered. Also, the search wasn’t really worth it.

My favorite part of this song is the verse at 2:14, when one of them raps the names of other hits by former members of New Edition.

call mother

• Firehouse 13  Queen Of Hearts Prom ‘08 Music by Abstract Soul, killer dance party action at Firehouse 13. You don’t have to dress up but really, don’t you want to get all fly? 9pm, $10
• The Blackstone  Phoenix Poll Winners The ‘Mericans along with Sleepyhead and Costarr. 9pm, $6
• AS220  Indian Jewelry, Lybthith, Phthalocynine, Bronhard/Going/Public, and possibly other ridiculously named bands. Here, I’ll make one up: Bthlinonislappy 9pm, $7

Don’t think I forgot about my homeboys. I found you fellas out there a little someone special:

Creative Diva Looking for Ideal Man

This 5′6″ cutie has bi-colored eyes and can’t start a conversation to save her life, but she loves getting nasty underneath the sheets. She’s good at it, too, evidently: she has four kids, all of whom still live at home. Dude, now’s your chance to start that band.

If all of that wasn’t good enough for you, Creative Diva has an identical twin. Hot city, ain’t it? The undertone of this ad suggests that Ms. Diva is the “good” twin, while the other mysterious twin is the wild child twin. I say you find out what Ms. Diva looks like, then go find her swinging sista. Maybe she has less children.

Since Ms. Diva posted her ad in Missed Connections instead of the expected Women Seeking Men section, it’s clear that Ms. Diva is either: 1) innovative in her approach to man-hunting or 2) dumb. Either works in your favor. Go get her, cowboy.

Say what you will about the staggering genius of Trapped In The Closet parts 1 through one-hundred thousand or whatever the hell it’s up to now, but it looks like R. Kelly is seriously fucked as he heads to trial for this minor matter of videotaping himself peeing in a thirteen-year-old’s face. Oh, and he had sex with her too. But now, as you would expect when everyone in the world has seen the video of this extremely heinous crime, the potential jury kinda-sorta fucking hates R. Kelly. ( Baker City Herald)

What’s crazier than a ten-year old giving birth?

A single human giving birth 18 times!

The Duggars’ oldest child, Josh, is 20, and the youngest, Jennifer, is nine months old.

The fast-growing family lives in Tontitown in northwest Arkansas in a 7,000-square-foot home. All the children—whose names start with the letter J—are home-schooled.

Duggar has been been pregnant for more than 11 years of her life, and the family is in the process of filming another series for Discovery Health.

While some people might try to stereotype a family in Arkansas with 18 kids, all of whose names start with the letter J, presumably in honor of their father, Jim Bob, I have to say that the couple seem happy, sane and wholesome on the youtubez:

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