crap slap: live from NH
11:17 pm on January 4th, 2008 by Ariel Werner
live from Laconia, New Hampshire, all the news that’s shit to print:
- Oh, yeah, I guess everyone in Iowa is white.
- David Brooks has fully transitioned and now has a vagina.
- Joe Biden and Chris Dodd finally agree to stop playing dress-up as presidential candidates. Dodd, however, vows to keep on fighting. Nation groans.
- Bill whines about how the media will “force” H-bomb to go negative. (And this isn’t even funny, it’s just anecdotal: I narrowly missed Bill Clinton in the Laconia, NH Soda Shoppe today!)
- Iowa returns came in past President Bush’s bedtime. This implies that, somehow, President Bush can sleep at night.
- Ron Paul excluded from Fox debate this Sunday in New Hampshire, despite that Paul polls at around 8% in NH, which makes the debate 99% less worth watching.
- In a shocking change of strategy, Rudy invokes 9/11 in attempt to deflect questions about his Iowa failure. Isn’t this the tactic Lois used when she ran for Quahog mayor during that episode of Family Guy?
and some local news of particular un-import:
- Rhode Island’s Hillary machine begins to tremble.
- Woman accused of severing parrot’s foot found dead in Warwick home. I wish I had come up with this headline, but it’s actually real.
- PK returns from trip to Pakistan, observes nation “ rife with rumors,” or maybe he’s just robotripping again.
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