They’ve been quiet for awhile, but the Girls are back from The Jerz, answering your ridiculousness like never before. This week: hot bartenders, gay porn and the dangers of not heeding their advice.

Q: Ladies!
I go to a local bar three or four times a week. I have a huge crush on the bartender there, and he flirts with me constantly. I am worried that he’s just being nice to me because he is behind the bar and it is a good way to get tips. How do I figure out if this flirting is real or if he’s just good at his job?

A: He’s just flirting. He’s working to pay off those college loans. He’s flirting, because basically it’s his job to flirt. Essentially, you pay his bills. Look, around – are you the only he chats up HARD? Have you ever seen him exchange numbers with other girls? Observing this kind of stuff could really help you figure out how he rolls. Chances are he lays it on pretty thick with everyone but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be into a romp on your side of the bar sometime. If he’s never suggested it feel free to make a move yourself. Bear in mind not to do anything too wacky, as you wouldn’t want to fuck up your rep or feel awkward 4 nights a week in your elbow room of choice.

One little trick we thought up that’s flirty and forward enough to get your point across but funny enough to place blame on that last shot of Powers is this: Next time your closing out a tab, write on your credit card receipt something funny like “for a good time call…401-555-5555.” (Only with your real number, duh). If he doesn’t act on it or bring it up, you don’t have to either. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and trust us you’re not the first girl to slip him your digits after a little liquid courage. Who knows, maybe you’ll luck out. We hear bartender’s girlfriends get unlimited bar tabs…sweet.

Q: Jersey Girls,
So, I didn’t listen. I went where you told me not to and hooked up with someone from work. We work in different departments and I don’t see him much so it’s not a huge deal. We’ve spoken since our ‘date’ and he acts as though he’s interested, He even kissed me last time we saw each other at the office…why the hell then isn’t he pursuing a next time? He’s calling me such names as ’sexy’ and ‘my lover’, but not initiating a second rendezvous? What gives? Do I keep the ball in his court or just man up and ask to see him again?

A: See what happens when you don’t listen?! Christ on a cross, Woman, he kissed you AT work? Spank yourself for us! How unprofessional! Even crazier, he’s kissing you in public and not asking you out again? That’s weird. There’s always a chance that due to the fact that you two do work together he is just feeling you out. Maybe he wants to see if you’re cool with pursuing something with someone from work. Then again, there’s always the chance that he’s just not that into you. You really don’t know people from work the way you know people in your personal life. Maybe he has stuff going on that you on you don’t even know about. Additionally, whether from work or play or anywhere in between he is still just a man—making him confusing any way you look at it (oh hush!, you guys say the same thing about us!). This dude’s sending out some serious mixed signals. We say take the reigns. Let him know you’re interested, if he doesn’t respond accordingly–making your interactions with him at work awkward and unbearable…then, well not to rub it in but…TOLD YA SO!

Q: Dear Skanks,
So, I was dating this girl last summer, and I think I was making myself a little too available, and she was acting distant and uninterested. So I broke things off and stopped talking to her. Then after that, she called me out of the blue and we’ve been fucking on the regular. Is it because I broke things off? Are girls more into guys who play hard to get?

A: Yes, totally. We know it’s stupid, but it’s true. It seems like human nature to desire what is harder to get our hands on. Remember Tickle-Me-Elmo? That fucking thing was dumb as hell. People hospitalized each other to get what their kids just haaaad to have. Such is life and as silly as it sounds, the same goes for matters of the heart.

It’s just fact that women want what they can’t have. Shorter girls wear heels. Girls that weren’t blessed with breasts as ample as ours get boob jobs; this list could go on forever. Although, just because she seems more interested now doesn’t mean she wasn’t interested then. Maybe it was about timing. Either way, don’t complain. At least now you’re getting laid on the regular.

Q: Dear S&M,
I’m a straight woman who really enjoys watching gay porn. There is something about two men together that really turns me on. I’m in a serious relationship with a man who totally satisfies me. I don’t bring my porn into the bedroom (it’s only for my own viewing pleasure, plus, I KNOW he wouldn’t be into it) but I wonder, why does all that hot gay action turn me on?

A: All this hot gay action turns you on for the same reason men like lesbian porn. Most men get totally aroused by the mere idea of two ladies all over each other. Why shouldn’t the road go both ways? Why can’t two (presumably) hot, shaven, muscular, hung, hard hot dudes boning each other get you off?
Most gay porn stars are hotter than the average bear – they have less body hair, equally tan sprayed bodies and chiseled good looks – they are unthreatening – and possibly everything you ever dreamed of waking up next too (minus, the other guy, eh… probably).

Also, according to the experts, “research shows that rather than being turned off by visual pornography, women are turned off by the premise of most male pornography, which portrays females as submissive bimbos.”

Meaning, gay porn could totally fit the bill for a woman who feels that exact same way, subconsciously or not.

Whatever the reason – just know that its ok. If it rocks your socks harder than that Tommy Lee video your ex-boyfriend left in the VHS – then keep it going, it ain’t hurtin’ anyone.

As always, the girls need your letters. It’s always anonymous, of course. Just use that secret email address that everyone has. You have one, right?

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