filed under Local Yokels
Blonde With Black Roots Is So Not Me 18 Months From Now.
2:37PM ON
02/27/2008
BY
Matthew Lawrence
I’ve finally discovered the true downside of social networking, which is why I may be deleting my Myspace, my Facebook, my last.fm account, my GoodReads, my DList, my LinkedIn, and any others I might be forgetting.
Is it because it’s a total invasion of privacy? Gives you the illusion that you have lots of friends when in reality you spend all your time on the internet? Because people you don’t know keep sending you friend requests and you keep accepting them because you’re terrible at remembering names and/or faces and you’re afraid you’ll offend somebody if you deny them?
No. The real downside is that now I can’t show up to my high school reunion telling elaborate lies about how awesome I am. I wanted people to think I lived in Paris and did performance art, or maybe that I had dropped out of college to do drugs and then disappeared for a while only to mysteriously reappear with a hot wife and a slight British accent.
But now, thanks to the appearance of Myspace and Facebook groups “Cranston East Class of ‘99 10-Year Reunion,” now people I don’t remember who probably never spoke to me in the first place know the truth! They know that I live less than five miles from high school, that I work a crappy retail job, that I cohabitate with my high school boyfriend, that I’m still kinda overweight, and that I still listen to Belle and Sebastian all the time. In fact it seems like I haven’t changed at all! What a downer!
The school, incidentally, seems just as depressingly clinical as it was 10 years ago. Ping-pong in the hallway is still a popular sport, I see, and the gym teacher lady with the giant hair is still there, although her hair now is probably a foot shorter than it was before.
Also, the reunion is like a year-and-a-half away. That’s crazy, that these groups already exist. I mean it was a big class–I didn’t know a single person sitting in my row at graduation–but please, people.
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