As this blog’s resident expert on 80’s teen-pop and homosexuals, I have to say that I’m doubly shocked and appalled–or at least disappointed and confused–that the headliner of this year’s Pride festival is Tiffany.

Tiffany, a girl who had three, maybe four hits twenty years ago, two of which were covers of songs that were hits for other, better people twenty years before that.  I mean, don’t get me wrong; I thought she was awesome when I was six, but that doesn’t mean I particularly want to hear her now that I’m twenty-seven.  And I say that as someone that still kinda likes The Party.

But, you know, I figured I’d give her a chance.  Last night I listened to her old singles.  All of them, even the ones I didn’t remember, like Radio Romance and the inspirational ballad from the Jetsons movie.  And I can now say with some degree of confidence that I Think We’re Alone Now is kinda lame; I Saw Him Standing There is basically unlistenable.  Could’ve Been is drecky, and All This Time, which is the one I remembered the best, is both drecky and whiny, despite probably being the best of her big hits.

I didn’t think Tiffany’s voice was particularly terrible (although both my boyfriend and my roommate disagreed with me on that point), but the production is amazingly bad.  Seriously, seriously bad.  And I’ve spent the last two days wondering what roomful of adults in Providence (and Atlanta!) came to the decision that this is someone that makes music that grown people should be listening to in 2008.  (Especially since she spent the nineties being born again…)

I have to acknowledge that I did actually like one song, though.  Danny, her first single, which the record company didn’t even bother to make a video for.  I didn’t remember it at all, but it’s got a good chorus, indecipherable though the words may be.  And while yes, it would’ve been better had Roxette done it, it’s probably the only bright spot on a terrible, terrible teen-pop career that probably should have never happened in the first place.

Tags: pride, the gays, tiffany

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