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What Do You Do When A F*cking F*gg*t Wants A Pizza?
10:25 am on July 8th, 2008 by Matthew LawrenceI’m not sure why this has been bugging me for the last twelve hours, but it really has, to the point where I may have even had a dream about it last night:
Yesterday I worked late and skipped dinner, but then decided to head out to the Black Rep for some SoundSessioning. Because the only things to eat in my house are oatmeal and old spinach and uncooked rice, I decided to grab a slice of pizza at a certain place downtown whose name rhymes with Fizza Tween.
The girl working there seemed like she was crazy, or on drugs, and interrupted my order twice to yell at someone else working there for not helping. Fine. Whatever. Feeding the drunks downtown is probably a really irritating job, although one would think that it would be less stressful at 10:30 when the place only had two customers.
So then after I order she gives me the pizza and I sit down, whereupon she starts yelling at the other guy, saying things like “stupid” and “fucking” and “fucking stupid” and “I want a cigarette.” The line (of one) goes down and she’s about to go outside when the phone rings. She picks it up and makes really dramatic faces while somebody orders a pizza. She repeats questions like the person on the other end is stupid.
Then, after the guy’s done ordering and she says it’ll be forty-five minutes, she hangs the phone up all dramatically and then screams–literally screams–”FUCKING FAGGOT! FUCKING FAGGOT!”
Then she goes outside to have her cigarette and then has a conversation on her cell phone loud enough that I (and probably half of downtown) can hear.
But seriously–what would you do in a situation like that? Sheepishly eat your pizza and then move on? Say something? Try to find someone else to say something to? I can’t decide. One of the things I like about living in Providence is that I’m not particularly exposed to homophobia ever, and I know people deal with way worse stuff than this every day. But this was so sudden and strange that I felt like I needed to blog about it in a semi-public forum.
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July 8th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Beats me. Not much you can do, besides conclude that the girl is a fucking moron. You could anonymously complain to management (via phone), and hope they’re a reasonable person, but that’s unlikely.
July 8th, 2008 at 10:33 am
And by semi-public I mean public. Proofread, Matthew, proofread!
July 8th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I understand I’m really not in the position to tell people they shouldn’t be offended, what with my being white, educated, middle-class, and heterosexual, but here goes!
I don’t think she meant it in an anti-gay way, she was just angry at the caller. The caller may have sounded like James Earl Jones and she probably would have said the same thing.
I think it’s important to distinguish between when a slur is being used because it’s a powerful exclamation, and when it’s being used as a weapon aimed at someone’s race, sexual orientation, or whatever. Calling a customer a ‘faggot’ after getting off the phone with them doesn’t connote homophobia or anti-gay sentiment any more than calling them a ‘prick’ (which could just as easily be construed as anti-male sexism) or a ‘pussy’ denotes that they are sexist.
If you have a problem with -your- group’s ‘dirty name’ (be they gay, male, female, people who like to sleep with other people’s moms, those of us with sphincters, etc.) being used to express general discontentment, try taking your word back, it worked for the African-Americans.
July 8th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I understand that she probably didn’t mean it personally–especially since it was a phone conversation, she waited until after it was over to say it, and she seemed more than willing to yell at everybody she saw anyway. But the fact remains that she, consciously or not, thought “Hmmm. What’s the worst thing I can call somebody right now? Hey, I know!” And thought that everybody else in the place (which was only four or five people) would be okay with hearing it.
Society goes through phases with insults–insulting people based on their race isn’t okay now; insulting people’s mental abilities is less okay than it used to be in most circles; but it’s still perfectly fine to throw around insults based on weight or class or gender. That makes me uncomfortable…
July 8th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Best restaurant review ever.
July 8th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I would call and speak to the management. Besides demonstrating an overwhelming lack of intelligence and class, the girl in question is also just bad at her job. It’s pretty easy to not say ‘fuck’ while taking pizza orders, and generally even easier not to say ‘faggot’; methinks this pizza queen needs to be demoted to the ranks of courtesan.
July 8th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Marc, you’re wrong man. It’s pretty homophobic. What if instead she was dropping “the N word”?
July 8th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
What I’m saying is that I think we need to ease-up on the calling-out of people for using these -words- and instead focus on actual homophobia/sexism/racism.
I’d have a problem if she -didn’t serve pizza- to someone because they were gay, but if she just wants to exclaim that a customer is ‘a faggot’, it’s bad form, but not homophobic. (sidenote: we need a better word than homophobia to describe people who hate gay people)
I think we’re too caught up in the words, and not the actions. Wouldn’t it be a triumph over homophobia if she could use that word, and an actual gay guy in the room didn’t get offended because he understood that it was a vestigial insult left over from a time when gay people actually had to hide their sexuality from society?
Again, I’m a middle class white male so maybe I really don’t understand. I have slept with a few moms, though, and I really don’t think it would be fair for me to get offended when people use ‘mother f**ker’ as an insult.
Now, here’s another little exercise:
If you’re gay, and someone calls someone else a ‘faggot’ as an insult, do you feel -shame at yourself- or -anger at the person who said it-? If you feel shame, then you’ve actually been marginalized, but if you’re angry at the person who said it, there’s really no harm to your self-image, right? You’re not any lower or less confident than you were before they said it, so the insult had no degrading value. I would like to reexamine our reactions to these insults, and get people to just pity the lack of intelligence of the insulter rather than take offense at the misuse of the label.
Also, why do people get angry when they aren’t part of the group targeted by the misused labels? I don’t get angry when people use the n-word, but my (white) mom sure does. Sometimes I think our modern lives are so lacking of conflict that we invent ways to feel challenged and put down by society.
Whew. All this being said, I don’t use slurs to insult people, not because it would offend them, but because it’s just bad manners and poor social form. I pity people who can’t muster better, more colorful insults to use than racial/sexist slurs, but they don’t bother me.
July 8th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Regardless to whether the girl meant the word as a direct or indirect assalt on gays and/or lesbians, the fact and the point of the matter is is that she said it. PERIOD.
I often get annoyed when society becomes too PC, however there is a point in which words are used and should not be used.
She is in a business/professonal environment - most likely not her own business, but that of someone elses. Selling pizza or a penthouse- she is still representing a business.
The fact that she is using that language against any customer is ridiculous. Although she may have used the word as an indirect assalt it still does not mean words such as FAGGOT, NIGGER, KYKE, etc. are acceptable- they are NOT synonyms for “stupid,” “arrogant,” “idiot,” etc.
To tell someone to “lighten-up” is to tell them to forget what these words of hate mean. To “take back” the word is ridiculous; to think that we would be accepting such definitions of hate into our lives ONLY makes it ok for others to use and accept those words. WORDS ARE SYMBOLS whether we devalue them or not.
As a confident, white, middle-class male who happens to be gay- the word is disgusting.
As a middle-class, confident and gay male who happens to be white- the “N” word still makes my skin crawl.
This because I know as a white male what it means to people of color just as I would hope those who are heterosexual would understand what the word “faggot” means to someone who is gay.
If anything, the gay community ought to live out loud a little more- the more visible we are, prehaps the more others realize we exist- even when ordering a slice of pizza.
-AM
July 8th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
When I was growing up there was no homosexual connotation to the word “gay”,and kids used “faggot”in a way similar to “schmuck”-there was no connection to someone’s orientation.This being the 1950’s none of us really knew anything about homosexuality.It was something obliquely referred to or snickered at.
In high school(1960-63)there were some openly gay people,a few male students and three of the women’s gym teachers.I don’t recall any of the male students being harrassed.They were considered a curiosity.The three female gym teachers all were pretty tough cookies as I recall.
I have a cousin who is gay and the whole time we were growing up I had no clue.He only acknowledged it in his mid-twenties.
I think gay people nowadays have it a whole lot easier not having to be worried that “someone will find out” in many cases,although I guess it remains a serious fear for some.
Bottom Line:The girl could’ve cared less about gay or not gay.She was probably under the influence and pissed off and it sounds like she has a serious garbage mouth anyway.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
I don’t think we can assume anything about what the woman meant — we weren’t in her head and know nothing about her beliefs, biases, or point of view.
However, as Matthew pointed out, she was expressing frustration or anger and used “faggot” as a means to demean the caller. The point is, somehow we (as a culture) can accept “faggot” as a derogatory diss and not see the implied hatred in it.
I bet, in my work context, if I were to use “middle class, privileged white guy” as a diss, the anti-PC police would be on my ass in a New York minute.
As a proud faggot, I get that str8 folks are often willing to abuse str8 privilege in service to your own identity and ego needs. I just wish y’all would do the work on this stuff.
July 9th, 2008 at 1:34 am
if you are gay, something has gone WRONG with your brian. no offense.
it isn’t normal.
July 9th, 2008 at 8:05 am
What an unpleasant creature. I, for one, will be taking my business elsewhere.
July 9th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I didn’t even know I had a Brian.
July 9th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Beth-this girl probably does not wash her hands after using the rest room-my wife once walked out of a sandwich joint when the preparer went from picking his nose to picking up cold cuts to throw in the sandwich.
July 15th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
[…] One contributor who expressed displeasure with being overlooked last time was the incomparable Beth Comery. As I informed this personification of journalistic achievement, her magnificent work on the site is beyond reproach. How could I possibly take cheap shots at such towering contributions to the national canon as this, and this, and this? Oh, and don’t forget this. If only there were a Pulitzer for blogging. Of course, she would have some stiff competition from fellow Doser Matt Lawrence, the brain behind such Sy Hersh-ian dispatches as “Attention, Hairy Individuals” and “What Do You Do When a Fucking Faggot Wants Pizza?” […]