How do you blow a .49 on a breathalyzer? Does that mean that half of your blood is alcohol?

For the answers to these questions and more, we turn to 34 year old North Providence resident and former Brown University presidential chef Stanley Kobierowski, who recently crashed into an electronic message board on I-95 near the mall in what turns out to be the drunkest attempt to drive, or do anything except die, in the history of Rhode Island.

In fact, according to variousw booze-ologists unearthed by the ProJo, this dude should not have been concious:

“For the average individual, there is a very severe risk of death when you start to approach a reading of .4,” said James Harasymiw, director of Alcohol Detection Services in Big Bend, Wis….

“He is in a very small class of people because most people — even heavy drinkers — would be unconscious or approaching death to get up to .5. The danger with this guy is that with that kind of tolerance, you may appear to be fine one moment and unconscious the next.”

Harasymiw calculated… that the man would have had to have had roughly 24 drinks — defined as a 12-ounce glass of beer or a shot and a half of whiskey — over six hours.

For those of you keeping score, that translates out into a whiskey shot every ten minutes for six hours straight.

Apparantly, it took 16 hours for his blood alcohol level to go down enough (below .08) so that he could be discharged from detox and arraigned.

Kobierowski, who works at the Down City Cafe in PVD, will hopefully weather his newfound fame in stride. We wish him well, and, from the look of it, he’s made at least one smart decision since his arraignment:

As he left the state police barracks, he told a crowd of reporters that he had “nothing to say.” When someone asked if he needed a ride home, he said, “I already have a ride” and proceeded across the street to sit down at a bus stop.

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