DEA investigators have subpoenaed former child star (and current floozy) Mary-Kate Olsen to gain information about the death of her friend, Heath Ledger. Mary-Kate, however, refuses to speak with the feds about Ledger’s painkiller use or anything else without first being granted immunity. The AP reports:

Olsen’s lawyer has twice refused requests for her to speak with investigators, said the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing. The lawyer, Michael C. Miller, said the “Full House” actress has nothing to do with the drugs, and has already told the government everything she knows.

“We have provided the government with relevant information including facts in the chronology of events surrounding Mr. Ledger’s death,” Miller said in a statement Monday, “and the fact that Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed.”

[…] Police say [the masseuse who found Ledger’s body] spent nine minutes making three calls to Olsen before dialing 911 for help, then called the actress a fourth time after paramedics arrived. At some point during the flurry of frantic calls, Olsen, who was in California, summoned her personal security guards to the apartment to help, police said.

Shortly after the Australian-born actor’s death, Olsen issued a statement that read: “Heath was a friend. His death is a tragic loss.”

No wonder the General Assembly tabled progress on and the Governor vetoed dialogue about medical marijuana compassion centers… just look at what’s happened in California! In this week’s New Yorker, David Samuels offers an insanely long insider’s look at the cannabis culture of California post-Proposition 215 and (the aptly named) Senate Bill 420. Here’s a taste:

One of Captain Blue’s regular marijuana customers was a dispensary in Venice Beach. The store, which has cement floors, a glass display case, and a couch the color of aluminum, looks like a cross between a photographer’s loft and a Kiehl’s boutique. When I last visited, large Mason jars in the display case were filled with designer strains of weed selected by the owner, Cindy 99, whose nickname refers to a variety of designer pot. In a refrigerator, and marked “For medicinal use only,” were treats such as marijuana granola and marijuana milk chocolate with crispy wafers. Above the counter hung a notice: “To our valued patients: in accordance with California law, we are required to add 8.25% sales tax.”

And this excerpt is my favorite:

Growing ganja lets you feel that you’re still living on the edge, especially when you’ve become a little complacent politically. Emily nodded, and took another puff. “The forest is still getting cut down or whatever,” she said, watching the fragrant smoke swirl in the breeze. “But you’re still working out here. You’re still subverting the Man. And you’re getting people high.”

[Full disclosure, since some of our readers have a tough time with sarcasm and send angry e-mails: compassion centers are a really good idea. A ridiculous number of pot-smoking hippies who benefit from the arrangement are merely collateral damage.]

This is British comedian Russell Brand. In May he flew into New York City for an appearance on the ‘David Letterman Show’ to promote a movie. An arrest record (”youthful folly”) from his teens popped up and he was pulled aside, questioned and forced to return to London, missing the show. Everyone feel safer now?

Now comes news that the terrorist watch list has topped the 1,000,000-name mark. If there are indeed that many evil-doers who mean us harm, they must be a pretty ineffective lot. Maybe they are all stuck in meetings arguing about parking spaces and the smell in the refrigerator.

Mr. Brand was finally allowed into the country. In this charming Letterman appearance he describes his idiotic interlude with the Immigration Service, including the fact that an utterly suspicious “Gambian gentleman” had also been questioned and allowed in. Video after the break…

(more…)

Please help. Friends and family are getting worried — clearly he has become disoriented and lost. In this last known photograph, he appears to be wearing someone else’s clothing. He was last seen confused and disheveled, wandering around the Smith Hill area, mumbling something about skyscrapers and flobots. Shave him, feed him.

(Update: He’s back.)

Who doesn’t remember faking a sick day from school? Somehow, I think my Mom always knew, but she let me stay home anyway.

Now, though, if your kid is faking sick, you can give him/her a dose of Obecalp (get it?) and push ‘em out the door to school. Obecalp is a chery-flavored miracle pill that is “not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease or illness.” Jennifer Buettner, the “Mommy” who invented Obecalp, told the Times that the pill “is designed to have the texture and taste of actual medicine so it will trick kids into thinking that they’re taking something. Then their brain takes over, and they say, ‘Oh, I feel better.’ ”

The use of placebos has a long and decorated history in medicine. Still, some experts question whether using a placebo on children is appropriate. You know, because deliberately deceiving children is not always the best move. “I don’t like the idea of parents lying to their kids,” said Dr. Steven Joffe, a pediatrician and bioethicist at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston. “It makes me squeamish.”

No word yet on whether they are working on a pill that cures the inevitable rift that might develop between mendacious parents and their hoodwinked children.

from the Times .

Make sure you’re wearing long pants:

After learning that a local horse had rabies, Burrillville authorities declared a “rabies watch” yesterday and strongly urged pet owners to vaccinate their dogs, cats, livestock and other animals.

The announcement follows the Rhode Island Department of Health’s determination that a horse had rabies when it was euthanized last week, according to a news release from a Burrillville Animal Control Officer, Ronald Woods.

(Though post-exposure prohylaxis no longer entails 20 shots to the stomach.)