How do you blow a .49 on a breathalyzer? Does that mean that half of your blood is alcohol?

For the answers to these questions and more, we turn to 34 year old North Providence resident and former Brown University presidential chef Stanley Kobierowski, who recently crashed into an electronic message board on I-95 near the mall in what turns out to be the drunkest attempt to drive, or do anything except die, in the history of Rhode Island.

In fact, according to variousw booze-ologists unearthed by the ProJo, this dude should not have been concious:

“For the average individual, there is a very severe risk of death when you start to approach a reading of .4,” said James Harasymiw, director of Alcohol Detection Services in Big Bend, Wis….

“He is in a very small class of people because most people — even heavy drinkers — would be unconscious or approaching death to get up to .5. The danger with this guy is that with that kind of tolerance, you may appear to be fine one moment and unconscious the next.”

Harasymiw calculated… that the man would have had to have had roughly 24 drinks — defined as a 12-ounce glass of beer or a shot and a half of whiskey — over six hours.

For those of you keeping score, that translates out into a whiskey shot every ten minutes for six hours straight. (more…)

Via RIF:

The next Drinking Liberally event, celebrating the near end of the end of the Bush Presidency and the re-confirmation of an America based on the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, will take place tomorrow night at the Wild Colonial. 8PM. Be there or be Right Wing!

Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbor. It makes you shoot at your landlord and it makes you miss him.

Sláinte chuig na fir, agus go mairfidh na mná go deo.

The Wrath Of Con Local insane person and all-around lovable muppet Connie “Constance” Thunders will be guest bartending at the E&O Tap tonight. Stop in and order a martini, which is what she calls a Miller Hi Life.

OH WELL HEY AGAIN just serial blogging to remind you not to forget to immediately buy tickets to AS220′S totally brutal, wicked hottttt, ultra-provi-chic party of your LIFE annual fun(d)raiser FOOL’S BALL.

WHY? because where else will you be june 28th? SITTING AT HOME CRYING INTO YOUR GLASS OF CARLO ROSSI CAUSE YOU’RE NOT AT FOOL’S BALL, THAT’S WHERE.

ANYWAY GREAT what you SHOULD DO is buy fool’s ball tickets from me for $15 as opposed to buying them at the door for $20, because paying $5 extra for being wishy-washy sucks wicked hard. and if you DON’T, i’ll be forced to attempt to hustle money out of you in public places, such as the taqueria, possibly during friendly lunches, especially if your name is dave segal. and i’ll never stop. NEVER!!!!

ALSO PLEASE KEEP IN MIND, and i’ll try to say this gently so not to crush any egos, no matter how VIP you think you is you won’t get in for free UNLESS you volunteer to help out, OR are performing (OR obnoxiously hustling… email chloe@as220.org to volunteer) SO you might as well buy a ticket. from me. or the bar. or one of the various other potentially less thrifty (and certainly less wordy…also: less attractive) ticket-hustlers running around town hustling tickets.

AND SO, TO CONCLUDE, hunt me down, buy tix, have fun, you won’t regret it. HERE, LOOK, I’LL EVEN MAKE IT EASY: you can buy tix (or sandwiches) from me monday, tuesday and thursday before 3pm at CAFFE PAZZO (YEAH, REMEMBER THAT PLACE?) on steeple st, next to new rivers (where all your best friends work).

UHHH for more possibly less spazzy info on fool’s ball: [HERE]

call mother

I’d love to be able to tell you that I wrote about this way last summer when it was actually news, (I even did research, for chrissakes!) but Providence Monthly can’t seem to figure out how to archive stuff online, so you’re just going to have to trust me. It’s been coming up a lot lately, what with the Lucid absinthe brand being finally available at a lot of bars here in town. You could read this article, which sums it up rather nicely, or if you want, here’s the basics: It’s pricey; last time I had it, at Muldowny’s of all places, it was $10 for a rocks glass of the stuff. Also, it doesn’t taste nearly as good as the Swiss, French and Spanish bottles I’ve ordered from Europe, back before it was “legalized” here. And lastly, anything that’s 70% alcohol is going to fuck you up, regardless of some supposedly psychoactive/herbal/God-root that was barely in the original, old-timey absinthe to begin with. Whatever, I still love it. Who wants to throw in and we’ll get like, five bottles of the good French stuff sent over?

One of my problems, if not my only problem, with Lili Marlene’s is that it’s always been the only bar of its kind in town. Which means that sometimes when you want to sit in a dark loungy bar listening to Portishead you can’t, because 750 other people all want to be doing the same thing at the same time and sometimes it’s dark or loungy in there at all. Plus all the bartenders are really frigging lovable and friendly and cute and popular and talented at making drinks, which makes it even more crowded.

So the other night I stopped by The Avery, JR’s brand-new titty bar bar that happens to have lots of breast imagery everywhere. As I suspected, the former Decatur location was crazy busy. JR himself was behind the bar so the drinks were good (and cheapish!) I didn’t get close enough to the bar to see what kinds of fancy libations he had back there, but that’s okay, because there’s a lot of other stuff to look at in that place once your eyes adjust to the darkness. (more…)

It would appear that Swiss cats, and everything else on the face of the earth, are still at risk. This from Gail Collins’ column today:

… it turns out that there’s a giant particle accelerator in Switzerland that critics say could create a black hole that would swallow up the Earth. (Or, in a more optimistic scenario, turn it into what Dennis Overbye of The Times called “a shrunken dense dead lump.”)

The European Center for Nuclear Research has done several safety studies on the accelerator, known to its friends as the Large Hadron Collider, and says there is absolutely no danger. Still, you have to admit this sets the bar for worrying at a whole new level.

On the bright side, no more yodeling.

I’m not really sure where the data for a list like this comes from, but while researching the new Richard Florida book I found the list of the Top 101 Counties With The Highest Percentage of Residents That Drank Alcohol In The Past 30 Days.

Four of Rhode Island’s five counties made the list, with only the teetotaling goody two-shoeses in Bristol County preventing a clean sweep.  Better yet, Newport County was #1 for boozing it up in the entire country, and South County was #2, beating out such other tipsy places as Morris County, New Jersey (#3), Fairfield County, Connecticut (#4), and Norfolk County, Mass (#5).  Kent County was #28 and Providence County a respectible #69.  Massachusetts and Connecticut made the list six times each, and over a quarter of the total 101 were in New England.

It should also be noted that twelve of the 101 counties are in Jersey.

The explanation?  It might have to do with the relative lack of Bible-thumping in New England, or maybe the cold, but I’m pretty sure it has more to do with the fact that we’re all just really neurotic and disagreeable.  Really!  (Click the link and then look at ‘Personality Maps’ for more.)

Ouch. Definitely some cheering too, and definitely a well thrown pitch. Still, ouch.

You have less than 20 minutes to finish drying your hair! And where’s the bottle opener?! I don’t know whether anyone asked Providence to officially join in on this, and given our current economic situation it seems like Rhode Island could be lights-out for the entire month of April, but here’s Ari, not our Ari, the other Ari… from Entourage… to tell you all about it. (Additional note:clearly two people were working on this late-breaking story simultaneously. I figured no one else here would admit to being alone and blogging on a Saturday night. Oh crap. It’s 8:30 and I’m supposed to have the friggin’ lights off.)

Eastbayri.com just posted an article about the hallucinogenic effects of salvia divinorum.

Now, I have to tell you that back in college I bought salvia divinorum seeds online and did a little experimentation. I also have to tell you, that it had no effect whatsoever on me. I’m not going to tell you where to get them, but I will tell you that it’s even easier than when I was in college to find the seeds and the plants.

Apparently this plant is supposed to have effects more powerful than any other natural hallucinogenic substance on earth, and it’s not regulated by the FDA. I’m also not going to tell you what I think about this, but I’m sure I feel the same way most of you do and not the same way that the public officials do.

It’s time for you to know a little about me. I’m a successful freelance graphic designer, own a clothing store, have a two year old daughter with another on the way. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink excessively; I don’t do drugs. Salvia divinorum didn’t open up other worlds to me.

Yet, I know the politicians will consider this a ‘gateway’ drug. But isn’t coffee a ‘gateway’ drug if put in the hands of someone with an addictive personality?

link: ( Potent drug is legal)

Just had a great liquid lunch at E&O; a black & tan, some Bailey’s and coffee, plus they just loaded in the corned beef, cabbage and potatoes and it smells amazing. Get there asap, it’s $5 all you can eat and you get a pint of Hibernia with it. Yep. BTW, Hibernia was the ancient Greek name for Ireland. Thank you Wikipedia.

Say what you will about local auteur (RIFC) Mike Ryan, he throws one helluva party. Last night he and the lovely Cat had a few friends over to Studio Blue in Riverside (I’m pretty sure he had permission). Normally a recording and production studio/performance venue etc. etc., for a few hours it was taken over by a happy crew of loonies who danced like mad to The Viennagram. Sounds like (in their own words) “Tom Waits played backwards… sex-cat mating calls… underwater noise nostalgia…” that sort of thing. But that doesn’t begin to describe how dance-able this music is. Fronted by their weirdly charismatic drummer, the band also found time to work on their painting.

If not, could we start one?

I’m only just finishing the Sunday New York Times so I’m a little late on this one, but a column in the ‘Week in Review’ section got my blood to boiling and don’t you know it — it’s Texans again. Ruth Pennebaker (identified as an author of young adult novels — wouldn’t you just know) writes,

SOMEWHERE, Ann Richards and Molly Ivins — bless their big, demanding hearts and rest their impatient souls — must be sharing non-alcoholic margaritas and crowing with delight.

What the?!!!! How warped and malignant must one be to fashion this completely deranged version of heaven in which recovering alcoholics still can’t drink? (I suppose Ms. Pennebaker could be consigning her two heroes to hell, which would be a bit baffling.) Jeez, as if that TV commercial with the dieting angels eating lite cream cheese so their wings wouldn’t get fat wasn’t bad enough. Well, I don’t happen to believe in heaven. But …. if I’m wrong… do not stand between me and the bar.

The Co-ed Fight Club for Girls returns to the E&O tap Monday, February 25th, 8pm-12am for a night of serious bar tending, booze, breasts, biceps and BRAND NEW OUTFITS (printed & designed by yours truly under CFCFG direction). So, put on your knee-highs, stuff some singles in your wallet, adjust your sweatbands and jog on over.  E&0 tap is conveniently located at 289 Knight St. in Providence, RI 02909.  It’ll be just like this: