“We have a good deal of comfort about the capital cushions at these firms at the moment.” — Christopher Cox, chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, March 11, 2008.

You would think that a man as careless as George Bush would have appointed at least one competent or honest person in eight years, if only by accident.  Writing for The New York Times Stephen Labaton exposes the huge role that a single rule change at the S.E.C. played in the collapse of so many financial institutions.  It’s actually pretty simple to understand.  Urged upon the S.E.C. in 2004 by the big investment banks (Goldman Sachs being represented by CEO Henry M. Paulson Jr., now Secretary of the Treasury) the decision not only loosened the capital rules but left the banks to monitor the riskiness of their investments. The rule change did allow for examination of the parent companies, but since Cox has been at the wheel (he arrived a year later) not a single inspection has been completed.

So, if recent history has taught us anything… medals all round!!!

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson (former CEO of Goldman Sachs) just wants us to trust him with this $700 billion that we are going to borrow from someone somewhere… or just print up.  According to The Washington Post, the Bush administration is resisting all oversight in the bailout plan being hammered out, including a provision being sought by Democratic leaders (and many Republicans) that “would grant the government authority to cut executive pay at firms that participate in the bailout…”. Paulson has promised to create an oversight commission of administration loyalists who will all be looking for work come January 21st… probably on Wall Street. And in a breathtaking and probably unconstitutional power grab, we have this from Maria Godoy writing for NPR,  “The language in the measure sent to Congress would make the Treasury Secretary’s decisions ‘non-reviewable’ — including by ‘any court of law or any administrative agency.” When it comes to this administration, I am continually shocked that I can still be shocked.  (More at ProJo)

A while ago fellow Doser, Eric, brought to my attention a website that never fails to bring a smile to my face — Hot Chicks with Douchebags — featuring “Pictures of hot chicks with total and complete douchebags. With commentary.” In a rare political selection, they have chosen as Honorary HCwDB of the Month a certain Sarah P. (omg I just stumbled upon Natalie Portman with his ickiness, Devendra Baghart. Can no one get through to this girl?)

Where do these successful men even meet these dreadful creatures? The New York Times hammered the final nail into Edwards’ coffin-shaped career yesterday with a report on the affair’s complicated cover-up. Lawyers… lots of lawyers… came up with such a sure-fail plan one can almost suspect the republican party had a hand in it. But the most shameful aspect of the story may be the background on this Rielle Hunter, nee Lisa Jo Druck. For one thing, her recent history includes that hallmark of intellectual profundity — new age spirituality. The Times states that in 2006 (during the affair) Hunter, with the help of her associate, Pigeon O’Brien, had been working on “… her ‘Being is Free’ Web site and a related foundation”. That’s bad enough.

It turns out, however, that show horses are not free. In a bizarre twist with many Rhode Island connections, it appears that the Drucks were involved in the horrific ‘horse murders’ of the early 90’s (23 indicted, 20 pled guilty). In a very big story of the time, the national equestrian show jumping circuit was exposed as an amoral greed pit when it came to light that killing inconvenient-but-expensive horses for insurance money was not uncommon. Noted equestrian and Brown grad, George Lindemann, Jr. was convicted and given a 33-month sentence. Paul Valliere, trainer and owner of Acres Wild in North Smithfield, wore a wire and ratted everyone else out to avoid prison. A crowbar was used on one horse in a particularly vile episode. Seventeen-year-old Lisa’s horse was one of the first to be killed. According Sports Illustrated, it was her father, a successful Florida lawyer, who devised the protocols for properly electrocuting the horses without leaving any evidence of wrong-doing. He died during the FBI investigation. (It is these events that made their way into the oft-mentioned Jay McInerny novel.)

But apparently Lisa, I mean Rielle, has got it all together now, spiritually-wise. Maybe her new project could be called “Being is Free — How about Your Husband”?

It’s always so cute when the elderly mow down innocent bystanders, don’t you think? Mark the date — August 25th — and make sure that your loved ones are nowhere near Newport. Roberta McCain kicks off two days of GOP fundraising with a private $10,000-a-head reception to be held at the New York Yacht Club. Her sorry carcass will then be dragged around to lesser venues where smaller checks may be written. This narcissistic old gargoyle is famous for what is euphemistically referred to as her ‘lead foot’. This includes a citation only a few years ago for going 112 miles-per-hour, but according to The Washington Post, she has been pulled over more recently,

Nothing, not even skyrocketing gas prices, seems to slow down Roberta McCain, the indefatigable 96-year-old mother of Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) and a notorious lead-foot behind the wheel. She’s still speeding around like a NASCAR driver on the last lap.

Mrs. McCain told us at a recent cocktail party that she got a $40 speeding ticket in Chevy Chase a few weeks ago. “Don’t speed up there,” she warned with a wry smile.

Her latest citation is about the umpteenth she’s received. “I know she has gotten a bunch of speeding tickets,” McCain campaign spokesman Brian Rogers acknowledges.

Isn’t that just a hoot? If we were talking about an 18-year-old, do you think we would be using words like ‘wry’ and ‘indefatigable’?

Now that retired musician and lover of visual ghastliness MIA suddenly has a song in the trailer to a teen comedy (and the current #3 song on the itunes store), it seems like the American masses are finally, finally starting to take notice. Specifically, the kinds of Americans that consult E! Online when they have a question. Mela in Los Angeles writes:

I really like that M.I.A. single “Paper Planes.” But I hear she supports terror. Is that true? Is she a terrorist?

I don’t know about you, but when I want to know whether or not someone is a terrorist I use E! to get my answers.

Anyway. Here’s a terrible video of some lamewads who were at least hip enough to catch on to this song last year:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kH0l7h-zqs&feature=related]

[via idolator]

Less than 24 hours after promising “no more snark” I run into this bumper sticker. This is going to be harder than I thought.

On my way to work each morning, I walk past the Attorney General’s office on South Main Street, and I never tire of giggling at the building’s inscription:

With great power comes great responsibility. — Stan Lee

Yesterday, it seems, this motto received more than mere lip service when special assistant AG Molly K. Cote managed to prove two ACI guards—Former Capt. Gualter Botas and former Lt. Kenneth Viveiros—guilty on charges of assaulting four inmates.

The ProJo reports:

Yesterday’s verdicts, which culminated an 18-day trial before Superior Court Judge Daniel A. Procaccini, came after jurors had deliberated for less than four hours over the course of two days.

Afterward, state corrections Director A.T. Wall issued a statement that began with a quote from former President Theodore Roosevelt: “No man is above the law and no man is beneath it.”

“These two former correctional officers have now been held accountable in a court of law for their abuse of inmates entrusted to their custody,” Wall said. “They do not represent the staff of this department. In fact, through their actions, they have dishonored the 1,500 men and women who perform their jobs with pride, professionalism and integrity every day. These men and women do a very difficult job, and they do it without breaking the law.”

Their charges are misdemeanors, carrying a maximum sentence of up to one year in prison. Can you imagine the fate of an inmate convicted of beating inmates? Botas and Viveiros have yet to be sentenced, but each, rightly, has been fired by the Department of Corrections.

You know what you don’t see much these days?  Apocalyptic sandwich boards.  You know, the kind people would wear while ringing a bell and pacing the sidewalk and proclaiming that the end was nigh?

I mean, I don’t think I ever actually saw anybody do that in person, although it does show up a lot in movies of a certain era.  Generally, my days have always been relatively free of people reminding me that the end of civilization will probably arrive within the next week or so.

So it was almost oddly refreshing yesterday, to see Doomsday spelled out on a sign I passed by.  Flagrantly, someone was clearly out to shock passers-by into remembering their own mortality, and the likelihood of a very messy scenario for how we’re all going to go.  See what I mean after the jump:

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In May CNN correspondent Drew Griffin launched an investigation critical of the TSA’s bloated ‘Watch List’. Shortly thereafter, his name was on it, and traveling became considerably more difficult for Mr. Griffin. Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas) recently questioned the secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff (why does he still have a job?!!) about this troubling turn of events.

In response, Chertoff said it was “not my understanding the reporter was put on,” but that Griffin may share a name with someone put on the list.

Of course, a person can petition to get one’s name removed from the list. Just ask former assistant attorney general Jim Robinson — the Justice Department’s top criminal prosecutor under Clinton — he’s been trying for three years. (This will soon be moot I suppose; nobody can afford to fly anywhere anymore.)

You can watch and listen to Michael Chertoff actually speak those words with a straight face. Video after the break.

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Trial begins this week in Superior Court for Capt. Gualter Botas, 39, of Pawtucket, and Lt. Kenneth J. Viveiros, 56, of North Providence. The two ACI Correctional Officers face seven counts and four counts, respectively, of simple assault involving four inmates. Edward Fitzpatrick reports for the ProJo:

During Superior Court testimony on Wednesday and Thursday, former inmate Matthew S. Gumkowski testified that Botas “sucker-punched” him after he made a vulgar suggestion to the captain on June 8, 2005.

At the time, Gumkowski, 27, of East Greenwich, was serving sentences on drug delivery and weapon possession charges, and he was caught with a $20 bill at the minimum-security facility. Paper currency is prohibited at the prison unless inmates are on work release. [...] Gumkowski said the punch landed near his right eye and cheek bone and he began bleeding. “It was split open,” he said. “He threw some napkins at me and said, ‘Go ahead and do something and I’ll call a code.’ [...]

In February 2007, District Court Judge Madeline Quirk found Botas, Viveiros and correctional officer Ernest Spaziano guilty of assaulting Gonzalez, an inmate who was serving a sentence on a drug conviction. The three officers appealed their convictions to Superior Court. Spaziano, 40, of Burrillville, was the first to go to trial in Superior Court, and earlier this year he was found not guilty of assaulting Gonzalez. Now, Botas and Viveiros are receiving a Superior Court trial. Originally, the trial was to include allegations that Botas forced inmate Michael Walsh to taste his own feces.

But Michael J. Healey, a spokesman for the attorney general’s office, said Procaccini granted a defense motion to sever that allegation from the others. He said the judge told prosecutors they could either try all the allegations at once while not using evidence that Walsh was “allegedly made to eat his own feces” — or they could use that evidence and try the Walsh allegation separately. Prosecutors chose to have a separate trial.

So, yeah. COs, meet my friend, Justice. Play nice, boys.

Calling all teachers! Are you feeling an uncontrollable impulse to text your 13-year old student/s and let them know the ways in which you are in love with them? Stop! It will backfire, as the above video illustrates.

In other sexy-texting-related news, embattled Detroit Mayor and Sexy-Texter Kwame Kilpatrick will apparantly attempt to argue in court that no one can prove that someone didn’t hack into his phone and send multiple sexy-texts to his chief-of-staff/lover. Good luck, Kwame!

Ericka J. Atwell, a senior at Rhode Island College, was impeached from her position as the school’s Student Community Government Deputy Speaker in March, but she’s decided to give politics another go…with more on the line. After having been found guilty of circulating candidacy petitions on behalf of other students—an action forbidden by RIC SCG bylaws—the 22-year-old has filed to run for District 27 State Representative as a Republican against incumbent Representative Patricia A. Serpa.

Atwell’s Republican primary challenger, Thomas K. Jones, questions the wisdom of his party in endorsing this controversial young woman. “If the Republican Party is going to be taken seriously in Rhode Island,” he told the ProJo, “We need to run serious candidates with a track record of being involved in their communities.”

Atwell, who learned a great deal about political integrity during her internship with Governor Carcieri, explains, “I’ve moved on to bigger and better things. I loved serving the students and working with the administration, but I learned that sometimes you have to cut your losses and move forward.”

In an earlier version of this post, I alluded to an inside rumor about Ericka J. Atwell campaigning in a mini-dress and heels. I apologize for including this piece of gossip, although it did come from a fairly credible source. As a young woman active in politics, I often resent the extent to which I must dress more formally and frigidly than my male counterparts in order to be taken seriously, and it would be a shame to propagate rumors about a young female candidate—rumors that very well might be aimed at discrediting her based on her age and appearance—when I myself am so familiar with this struggle. I apologize for including that tidbit.  If it’s true, however, it’s still hilarious, not to mention totally inappropriate.

I’m not sure why this has been bugging me for the last twelve hours, but it really has, to the point where I may have even had a dream about it last night:

Yesterday I worked late and skipped dinner, but then decided to head out to the Black Rep for some SoundSessioning.  Because the only things to eat in my house are oatmeal and old spinach and uncooked rice, I decided to grab a slice of pizza at a certain place downtown whose name rhymes with Fizza Tween.

The girl working there seemed like she was crazy, or on drugs, and interrupted my order twice to yell at someone else working there for not helping.  Fine.  Whatever.  Feeding the drunks downtown is probably a really irritating job, although one would think that it would be less stressful at 10:30 when the place only had two customers.

So then after I order she gives me the pizza and I sit down, whereupon she starts yelling at the other guy, saying things like “stupid” and “fucking” and “fucking stupid” and “I want a cigarette.”  The line (of one) goes down and she’s about to go outside when the phone rings.  She picks it up and makes really dramatic faces while somebody orders a pizza.  She repeats questions like the person on the other end is stupid.

Then, after the guy’s done ordering and she says it’ll be forty-five minutes, she hangs the phone up all dramatically and then screams–literally screams–”FUCKING FAGGOT! FUCKING FAGGOT!”

Then she goes outside to have her cigarette and then has a conversation on her cell phone loud enough that I (and probably half of downtown) can hear.

But seriously–what would you do in a situation like that?  Sheepishly eat your pizza and then move on?  Say something?  Try to find someone else to say something to?  I can’t decide.  One of the things I like about living in Providence is that I’m not particularly exposed to homophobia ever, and I know people deal with way worse stuff than this every day.   But this was so sudden and strange that I felt like I needed to blog about it in a semi-public forum.

Good morning, dosers! You gotta love a Guv whose idea of “reaching out” to his constituents is to appear on the Bill O’Reilly show.

Governor Carcieri spent several minutes last night on national television during an appearance on The O’Reilly Factor criticizing Providence’s mayor and police chief for not endorsing his attempt to curb illegal immigration.

The governor cited the recent arrest in Providence of Marco Riz, an illegal immigrant arrested several times before he allegedly kidnapped and raped a Warwick woman, as an example of the need for his executive order.

(On the subject of this Marco Riz thing, I am SO SURE that a legal U.S. citizen has never kidnapped and raped a woman. I just wish violence against women got this much attention from Carcieri on a regular basis. Sigh.)

I’m not going to even bother posting a clip of O’Reilly’s show. You know the drill. Instead, here is Bill Moyers (you know, a real-life journalist) schooling O’Reilly’s producer in a candid video:

When former Charlotte NC mayor Harvey Gantt ran (twice) against Jesse Helms, he sought the endorsment of former UNC star Michael Jordan. Jordan’s reply at the time: “Republicans buy sneakers, too.”

An endorsement from Jordan could have helped the popular black mayor unseat one of the senate’s most bigoted members, but Mike sat on the sidelines. Apparantly, Helms’ death prompted Jordan to expound on meeting the racist codger, and to finally endorse Gantt:

“A number of years back, I was in Raleigh at some function and I was introduced to the Senator. ‘Hello Senator Helms, nice to meet you,’ I say, offering my hand. He looks up at me, sizes up my hand, and smiles like he’s addressing the help back at the plantation: ‘Nice to meet you too, Fred.’ I’m like, Fred, huh? No, it’s Michael, Michael Jordan, the basketball player. He just goes, ‘Nice to meet you Fred.’ That’s one crazy mother (muffled).”

Someone later told Jordan that Helms had a “humorous habit” of calling all black people “Fred.”

“Yeah, humorous. Hilarious. It was then that I realized I made a mistake, I should have come out to support the brother. Let him know, if he runs again, give my office a call, we’ll hit the campaign up with all the Air Jordans and Jordan brand apparel they need. On the house. It would be my honor to be the official sponsor - along with Gatorade and Hanes — of Harvey Gantt’s next campaign.”

Let’s first note that calling Michael Jordan - one of the most universally respected people on the planet - “Fred” is just plain disgusting. Let’s also note that Gantt declined the endorsement, citing Jordan’s poor management of the Charlotte Bobcats.