OK, so we should start off by pointing out that there is no KFC in Fallujah. There are, however, some enterprising restaurateurs, and apparently, some chicken.

The combination has resulted in a bootleg KFC reportedly taking root in that embattled city. So, while it’s unclear that business is booming, and while it’s pretty clear that (according to KFC) this is not an actual KFC, let’s not let that stop Fox and Friends touting the fast-food fryery as a sign of progress. After all, it’s Tommy Franks’ word against yours:

The weirdest part of this story is that even though it’s premised on a bare-breasted lie (and broadcast on a wing and a prayer) there’s still a colonel of truth to it. (more…)

This is sure to mean a tourism bonanza!

In recent years, Providence has not only seen a new convention center and a revitalized waterfront, but historic corridors have also been restored to their Revolutionary-era glory, giving the Rhode Island capital an architectural sense of place. But these cultural trappings, more commonly associated with overcrowded metropolises, have not caused this city of 200,000, near the banks of Narragansett Bay, to lose its small-town flavor. Drivers still request their initials on license plates, sandwich shops let regulars run a tab and Mayor David N. Cicilline greets residents by name and lists his home number in the phone book.

For the record, the Times ended their Friday and Saturday nights at the Black Rep and Local 121, which sounds pretty true-to-life. And did you know that the original State House, “where, in 1776, Rhode Islanders declared independence two months before the rest of the country,” used to be on Benefit Street?

Espresso at Caffe Dolce Vita, brunch at Nick’s on Broadway, and dinner, oh so predictably, at Al Forno. Sounds like a typical weekend!

2nd Annual Local Food Fest to benefit Farm Fresh RI

Wednesday, August 6th, 5pm-8pm at Castle Hill Inn in Newport

As the keeper of the official guest list*, I can say that tickets are selling fast for this event. Buy your tickets 10 minutes ago if you want to come. (Tickets are $45 each.)

The Local Food Fest is such a deal. There will be live cooking of delicious dishes cooked with locally grown food, featuring 9 chefs from awesome restaurants I normally can’t afford (i.e. Gracie*s, Local 121, Nick’s on Broadway, New Rivers, Cafe Zelda, Castle Hill, Blackstone Catering, Newport Restaurant Group, and DeWolf Tavern). Newport Vineyards, Sakonnet Vineyards, Trinity Brewhouse, Newport Storm, and Narragensett Brewery will be offering tasting of their local beverages (a cash bar offers full sized libations). Plus cheese from Narragansett Creamery, bread from Seven Stars and Olga’s Cup and Saucer, Rhody Fresh Dairy, and coffee from Blue State and New Harvest.

Superchief Trio will be playing, offering you a more scenic opportunity for dancing, overlooking the beautiful views from the end of Aquidneck Island. There will also be a really wonderful silent auction with farm tours, cheese makin’ classes and cheese tastin’ classes, and a chauffeured tour of local vineyards.

Finally, your beloved, hard-working, and heroic local farmers will be showcasing their summertime harvest for your enjoyment. (more…)

Mark your calendars, because this Wednesday July 30th, the Cheesecake Factory is celebrating National Cheesecake day by offering $1.50 slices of cheesecake. Costumers will be able to choose from up to 30 varieties of the delectable desert, but purchases, cruelly, will be limited to one per customer.

The Providence Cheesecake Factory/94 Providence Place (i.e., the Mall)/Wed. Jul. 30/11:30am-11:00pm

I’ll see you at the mall!

Looks like compassion isn’t the only thing that’s disappearing from Rhode Island. Tonight, 7pm at Local 121, a free screening of the film “Silence of the Bees:”

A free showing of the documentary Silence of the Bees. The film provides an in-depth look at the search to uncover clues into Colony Collapse Disorder which is killing off huge populations of the honeybee. Silence of the Bees goes beyond the unsolved mystery to tell the story of the honeybee itself, its invaluable impact on our food supply and takes a look at what’s at stake if honeybees disappear. It further explores the complex world of the honeybee in crisis and instills in viewers a sense of urgency to learn ways to help these extraordinary animals. Meet with members of the Rhode Island Beekeepers Association, enjoy a sampling of local honey and foods that we would not have if not for the pollination by the honey bee.

Thanks to Joe.My.God, I just discovered Cake Wrecks, a new blog that hilariously analyzes the worst in professional cake decorating. It covers everything from tacky airbrushing to mysteriously inappropriate photo cakes [See right. Under what circumstances would you give that cake to someone you address as Mister?] It also has cakes disguised as meat, and a number of cakes with baby motifs, making you wonder what sort of person would ever want to spend their baby shower dissecting a marzipan newborn.

And, to make up for my lack of ability to post that Marissa Nadler video earlier, here’s something I just found on the Youtube.

Who knew there even was a clean version of this song? Or that the clean version would take out the line about the Vietnam War?

Fans of mediocre, overpriced coffee rejoiced today when they learned that Starbucks will not close any of its Rhode Island locations.

From the ProJo Biz Blog:

Fans of Starbucks coffee can rest easy as the Seattle, Wash., chain skipped over Rhode Island in a recently announced store-closure plan.

Starbucks this week named the 600 stores it will close around the country and no Rhode Island locations appeared on the list. Starbucks loyalists in Massachusetts are not so lucky, as the company will close seven stores in the Bay State.

So, if your feeling the craving for a Mint Chocolatey Chip Frappuccino with Whipped Chocolate Creme and scone that was baked last week, frozen, and shipped to thaw onsite, rest assured that you can stop by any one of the five Providence Starbucks locations within a one mile radius of each other.

One would think that the Corn Refiners Association would be busy enough right now that they could sit back and relax, but instead they are starting a big marketing campaign to beat back the Michael Pollans, Daniel Imhoffs and Richard Johnsons of the world who complain that high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) is making us fat. They are taking it to the public with a big new $30 million ad campaign, saying that the stuff has the “same natural sweeteners as table sugar and honey.”

They have the courts behind them; Stacy Holk went after Snapples at the FDA for claiming that their product was “all natural,” when it was full of HFCS, noting that there is nothing natural about the process of making the stuff:

The New York Times has a piece today on a RI Training School program that puts juvenile offenders to work restoring old New England diners through the New Hope Diner Project. The youths restore the diners’ decrepit buildings, work the griddles and cash registers, and will (eventually, hopefully) manage the actual businesses sometime in the future. Pam Belluck writes:

“The whole poetry behind it is that these are kids who have been pretty much cast away emotionally and criminally, getting a chance to restore beloved eateries that have been cast off from society, too,” said Daniel Zilka, the acting director of the American Diner Museum, who rescues decrepit diners and helps run the project. “If they continue on the path that they’ve been moving upon they would end up in an adult correctional facility. This is probably their last opportunity.”

The offenders at the detention center, some as young as 13, have been convicted of crimes like sexual assault, armed robbery, breaking and entering, and drug offenses, and sentenced to serve 6 to 18 months. The center, the Rhode Island Training School, also has maximum security for offenders including murderers, but offenders qualify for the project only if they behave well enough to move to the regular detention population. They must also have, or nearly have, a high school equivalency diploma.

Work release is an important reentry mechanism for many offenders, but should these youths be encouraged to spend their time studying and developing more general skills before jumping into this line of work? Or do programs like this create order, stability, and options for young people with seemingly no way out?

A Taste of Wayland Square will be held Saturday from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. under a big tent. (The DOT reports that Wayland Avenue, between Angell and Medway, will be closed from 9am — 5pm). According to the ProJo…

samples of food will be for sale from Twist on Angell, Haruki, La Laiterie at Farmstead, Waterman Grille, Whole Foods, The Edge and Red Stripe. Those who attend will be given a sheet of coupons for area stores. In addition to the discounted items on sidewalk tables, many stores will offer special discounts on regular-priced merchandise inside the stores. Participating stores include Southwest Passage, Wendy Brown Linens, Kyureo, Reliable Gold, Mrs. Robinson, Dorothy Williams, Gabrielle, Books on the Square, Mod Mama and Runcible Spoon, and salons such as M. Hearn Hair Design, Strands, Jacqueline Phillips and Angell Nails.

(Update: The surf ‘n’ turf plates pictured are from the Waterman Grille — crab cakes and beef kabobs. I ate the one on the left and it was yummy. Lots more good-looking food available. I’ll be going back.)

Good news, Rhode Islanders.  You’re less obese than people in 45 other states!

Although our ranking is almost a full percentage higher than last year, it’s good to know people in the Ocean State seem to be thinking about their health at least a little bit.  (Although, really, a one in five obesity rate isn’t exactly something to be excited about…)

I’m not sure why this has been bugging me for the last twelve hours, but it really has, to the point where I may have even had a dream about it last night:

Yesterday I worked late and skipped dinner, but then decided to head out to the Black Rep for some SoundSessioning.  Because the only things to eat in my house are oatmeal and old spinach and uncooked rice, I decided to grab a slice of pizza at a certain place downtown whose name rhymes with Fizza Tween.

The girl working there seemed like she was crazy, or on drugs, and interrupted my order twice to yell at someone else working there for not helping.  Fine.  Whatever.  Feeding the drunks downtown is probably a really irritating job, although one would think that it would be less stressful at 10:30 when the place only had two customers.

So then after I order she gives me the pizza and I sit down, whereupon she starts yelling at the other guy, saying things like “stupid” and “fucking” and “fucking stupid” and “I want a cigarette.”  The line (of one) goes down and she’s about to go outside when the phone rings.  She picks it up and makes really dramatic faces while somebody orders a pizza.  She repeats questions like the person on the other end is stupid.

Then, after the guy’s done ordering and she says it’ll be forty-five minutes, she hangs the phone up all dramatically and then screams–literally screams–”FUCKING FAGGOT! FUCKING FAGGOT!”

Then she goes outside to have her cigarette and then has a conversation on her cell phone loud enough that I (and probably half of downtown) can hear.

But seriously–what would you do in a situation like that?  Sheepishly eat your pizza and then move on?  Say something?  Try to find someone else to say something to?  I can’t decide.  One of the things I like about living in Providence is that I’m not particularly exposed to homophobia ever, and I know people deal with way worse stuff than this every day.   But this was so sudden and strange that I felt like I needed to blog about it in a semi-public forum.

So let’s say you’re walking down the street and you come across $190 lying in the gutter. What would you spend it on? Drugs? Some new sneakers? A donation to your favorite charity? Or would you do maybe make a couple of extra car insurance payments, buy a new vacuum, or just blow the whole thing on scratch tickets and a post-scratching manicure?

Well, if you live in London, you have another option now:

A burger. From Burger King.

Plop down your money at one West End BK location and be whisked away to a VIP area, full of tablecloths and Shiraz and custom Coke bottles. (You need to call ahead first, and the whole thing is so exclusive you can only luxuriate on Thursdays.) Then comes the real treat:

Made from Wagyu beef, topped with white truffles and Pata Negra ham (which owes its nutty flavor to the fact that the pigs are fed on acorns), the burger nestles in a bun spread with organic-white-wine-and-shallot-infused mayonnaise, plus pink Himalayan rock salt, and dusted on top with Iranian saffron. It is served with Cristal champagne onion straws (inspired by the “angry lobster” dish at David Burke & Donatella Manhattan restaurant) and a garnish of lamb’s lettuce.

And while I’d kill for some organic-white-wine-and-shallot-infused mayonnaise right now, the real question is WHO THE HELL WOULD EVER WANT THIS?! SERIOUSLY?! Especially since, as the article mentions later, food safety requirements in the UK require that pretty much all meat be dry and overcooked all the time.

[Source: Advertising Age]

Table space is still available for the Providence Rock & Roll Yard Sale at the IndieArts Festival on Saturday July 19th. This all takes place in Burnside Park and the Bank of America Skating Center from 1PM to 11PM, with live bands and DJ’s, and food and drink, and tons of people walking by with plenty of money to spend on…. well, whaddya got? Books? CD’s? Vintage clothes? Crafts? Propaganda? Cookies? Please, someone be selling me cookies.

For info contact Jen or Chris at What Cheer? Antiques and Vintage, 861.4244, and get yourself a space (it’s BYO table). It’s only $25, but you must pay in advance. (Make credit card payments here.)

… you could stay home and watch Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, 9PM on Comedy Central. Then, if the movie makes you hungry, head down to Stanley’s, 371 Richmond Street, open Saturday nights until 2AM. They are rounder but quite delicious. If you must have an original White Castle burger, I think the closest one would be in Astoria (you can not go into midtown on a Saturday). Just take the Van Wyck to the Queens Midtown Expressway, then head south on route 278…. and… then… I think you can see it from there. If you miss the exit continue on to South Amboy.

I don’t believe I am alone in this. How many times have you picked up visitors at the airport and before you are even at the baggage claim someone is saying “I want some seafood.” And you know they don’t mean Chilean sea bass on linen table cloths, but rather some place with fry-o-laters, picnic tables and a view of the water. With all these charettes and consultants from Boston has anyone even brought this up? Enough with the condos, bike paths and heritage museums… we demand fried food and lots of it! (A shore dinner hall would be acceptable.)

Yesterday I went to Blount Clam Shack on Water Street in Warren, and this is exactly what I have in mind. It’s right on the Warren River looking south to the ocean. You can sit in the sun or under the tent, between a marina and the seafood company itself, and it’s a little dangerous which I like because then people are forced to watch their children. The food was great. (This chunky lobster roll was $20. My whole-belly clams were $11.  It’s closed Tuesdays.)

I am still a big fan of Horton’s Seafood in East Providence. It has zero view but the interior decor would appear to be unchanged since 1957 — in other words — perfect. They have lots of fried everything. And I recently ate at Aunt Carrie’s on the water in Narragansett where the clam cakes were big and chewy, and fried crispy, maybe my favorite. The restaurant has not been modernized the least bit and the view is unbeatable. But why… WHY… do I have to leave town for a clam cake?