A Taste of Wayland Square will be held Saturday from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. under a big tent. (The DOT reports that Wayland Avenue, between Angell and Medway, will be closed from 9am — 5pm). According to the ProJo…

samples of food will be for sale from Twist on Angell, Haruki, La Laiterie at Farmstead, Waterman Grille, Whole Foods, The Edge and Red Stripe. Those who attend will be given a sheet of coupons for area stores. In addition to the discounted items on sidewalk tables, many stores will offer special discounts on regular-priced merchandise inside the stores. Participating stores include Southwest Passage, Wendy Brown Linens, Kyureo, Reliable Gold, Mrs. Robinson, Dorothy Williams, Gabrielle, Books on the Square, Mod Mama and Runcible Spoon, and salons such as M. Hearn Hair Design, Strands, Jacqueline Phillips and Angell Nails.

(Update: The surf ‘n’ turf plates pictured are from the Waterman Grille — crab cakes and beef kabobs. I ate the one on the left and it was yummy. Lots more good-looking food available. I’ll be going back.)

Good news, Rhode Islanders.  You’re less obese than people in 45 other states!

Although our ranking is almost a full percentage higher than last year, it’s good to know people in the Ocean State seem to be thinking about their health at least a little bit.  (Although, really, a one in five obesity rate isn’t exactly something to be excited about…)

I’m not sure why this has been bugging me for the last twelve hours, but it really has, to the point where I may have even had a dream about it last night:

Yesterday I worked late and skipped dinner, but then decided to head out to the Black Rep for some SoundSessioning.  Because the only things to eat in my house are oatmeal and old spinach and uncooked rice, I decided to grab a slice of pizza at a certain place downtown whose name rhymes with Fizza Tween.

The girl working there seemed like she was crazy, or on drugs, and interrupted my order twice to yell at someone else working there for not helping.  Fine.  Whatever.  Feeding the drunks downtown is probably a really irritating job, although one would think that it would be less stressful at 10:30 when the place only had two customers.

So then after I order she gives me the pizza and I sit down, whereupon she starts yelling at the other guy, saying things like “stupid” and “fucking” and “fucking stupid” and “I want a cigarette.”  The line (of one) goes down and she’s about to go outside when the phone rings.  She picks it up and makes really dramatic faces while somebody orders a pizza.  She repeats questions like the person on the other end is stupid.

Then, after the guy’s done ordering and she says it’ll be forty-five minutes, she hangs the phone up all dramatically and then screams–literally screams–”FUCKING FAGGOT! FUCKING FAGGOT!”

Then she goes outside to have her cigarette and then has a conversation on her cell phone loud enough that I (and probably half of downtown) can hear.

But seriously–what would you do in a situation like that?  Sheepishly eat your pizza and then move on?  Say something?  Try to find someone else to say something to?  I can’t decide.  One of the things I like about living in Providence is that I’m not particularly exposed to homophobia ever, and I know people deal with way worse stuff than this every day.   But this was so sudden and strange that I felt like I needed to blog about it in a semi-public forum.

So let’s say you’re walking down the street and you come across $190 lying in the gutter. What would you spend it on? Drugs? Some new sneakers? A donation to your favorite charity? Or would you do maybe make a couple of extra car insurance payments, buy a new vacuum, or just blow the whole thing on scratch tickets and a post-scratching manicure?

Well, if you live in London, you have another option now:

A burger. From Burger King.

Plop down your money at one West End BK location and be whisked away to a VIP area, full of tablecloths and Shiraz and custom Coke bottles. (You need to call ahead first, and the whole thing is so exclusive you can only luxuriate on Thursdays.) Then comes the real treat:

Made from Wagyu beef, topped with white truffles and Pata Negra ham (which owes its nutty flavor to the fact that the pigs are fed on acorns), the burger nestles in a bun spread with organic-white-wine-and-shallot-infused mayonnaise, plus pink Himalayan rock salt, and dusted on top with Iranian saffron. It is served with Cristal champagne onion straws (inspired by the “angry lobster” dish at David Burke & Donatella Manhattan restaurant) and a garnish of lamb’s lettuce.

And while I’d kill for some organic-white-wine-and-shallot-infused mayonnaise right now, the real question is WHO THE HELL WOULD EVER WANT THIS?! SERIOUSLY?! Especially since, as the article mentions later, food safety requirements in the UK require that pretty much all meat be dry and overcooked all the time.

[Source: Advertising Age]

Table space is still available for the Providence Rock & Roll Yard Sale at the IndieArts Festival on Saturday July 19th. This all takes place in Burnside Park and the Bank of America Skating Center from 1PM to 11PM, with live bands and DJ’s, and food and drink, and tons of people walking by with plenty of money to spend on…. well, whaddya got? Books? CD’s? Vintage clothes? Crafts? Propaganda? Cookies? Please, someone be selling me cookies.

For info contact Jen or Chris at What Cheer? Antiques and Vintage, 861.4244, and get yourself a space (it’s BYO table). It’s only $25, but you must pay in advance. (Make credit card payments here.)

… you could stay home and watch Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, 9PM on Comedy Central. Then, if the movie makes you hungry, head down to Stanley’s, 371 Richmond Street, open Saturday nights until 2AM. They are rounder but quite delicious. If you must have an original White Castle burger, I think the closest one would be in Astoria (you can not go into midtown on a Saturday). Just take the Van Wyck to the Queens Midtown Expressway, then head south on route 278…. and… then… I think you can see it from there. If you miss the exit continue on to South Amboy.

I don’t believe I am alone in this. How many times have you picked up visitors at the airport and before you are even at the baggage claim someone is saying “I want some seafood.” And you know they don’t mean Chilean sea bass on linen table cloths, but rather some place with fry-o-laters, picnic tables and a view of the water. With all these charettes and consultants from Boston has anyone even brought this up? Enough with the condos, bike paths and heritage museums… we demand fried food and lots of it! (A shore dinner hall would be acceptable.)

Yesterday I went to Blount Clam Shack on Water Street in Warren, and this is exactly what I have in mind. It’s right on the Warren River looking south to the ocean. You can sit in the sun or under the tent, between a marina and the seafood company itself, and it’s a little dangerous which I like because then people are forced to watch their children. The food was great. (This chunky lobster roll was $20. My whole-belly clams were $11.  It’s closed Tuesdays.)

I am still a big fan of Horton’s Seafood in East Providence. It has zero view but the interior decor would appear to be unchanged since 1957 — in other words — perfect. They have lots of fried everything. And I recently ate at Aunt Carrie’s on the water in Narragansett where the clam cakes were big and chewy, and fried crispy, maybe my favorite. The restaurant has not been modernized the least bit and the view is unbeatable. But why… WHY… do I have to leave town for a clam cake?

Big plans are afoot to generate more activity in and around Kennedy Plaza this summer, including poor little Burnside Park. There are some regular weekly events planned, like a Friday Farmers’ Market, as well as some big events such as the Heineken Latino Celebration July 6th (please tell me they’re planning a Dos Equis Oktoberfest) and the Roller Derby on July 25th. But the one you have to start thinking about now is the IndieArts Festival on July 19th. First, there are still table-spaces available for vendors (it’s BYOT). To get on board contact Jen or Chris Daltry at What Cheer Antiques, 7 South Angell Street,861-4244. Jen spoke today with the Providence Journal,

“It’s really a pretty neat park, with the fountain and the statue and it’s definitely underutilized,” said Jennifer Daltry of What Cheer Antiques & Vintage, which is helping to put together the festival.

Organizers are even tying the event to its new host site and its massive statue of Burnside. The best sideburns will win a prize, an homage to the Civil War general famous for his facial hair.

The sideburns competition is very much in the planning stage but there is talk of at least two categories; one for the purists who grow their own, and another for the DIY types who might artfully apply grass clippings and dryer lint with spirit gum. Women are welcome in both categories.

…Especially all you chain-smoking hipster types. Today is the first day of the Armory Park Farmers’ Market. Which is a good thing, as many of us know that it’s pretty tough to get groceries on the West Side:

Armory Park Farmers’ Market

Along Parade St. on the West Side

4pm-7pm, every Thursday

This week, strawberries, salad greens, and some herbs are in season. If my word is bond, non-salmonella tomatoes will be available, too.

I’ll be there, of course. And I guess my day job is becoming increasingly obvious to you, readers.

Killer tomatoes on the loose!

From USA Today:

The Food and Drug Administration said Sunday that 145 to 150 people in 16 states have been sickened by salmonellosis, which has been linked to the consumption of raw red tomatoes.

States reporting illnesses linked to the outbreak include Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Oregon, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington and Wisconsin.

Grocery stores, restaurants and fast food joints are pulling tomatoes from their shelves and menus.

All of this leads to multi-million dollar losses on FL farms, with farms placing distribution at a halt until they are sure the crops are uncontaminated:

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Bug eating, AKA entomophagy, is the big new thing, as evidenced by the splashy TIME magazine story covering America’s torrid/nonexistent love affair with eating insects. Also, eating bugs is so green its like driving a Prius into a windmill.

But while the Dose has been all over the bug-eatin’ trend for some time, we missed the boat on giraffe. That’s right - it turns out that the world’s largest ungulate is also a kosher snack, provided you slaughter it correctly. My hebrew school teachers claimed that kosher slaughtering was impossible for giraffes, but it turns out they were either wrong, or lying to keep all the sweet giraffe meat for themselves. With dairy-product-friendly Shavuot coming tonight, why not guzzle some giraffe milk too?

One thing to remember, particularly when devouring exotic creatures: Do not eat unless Mike Huckabee is around to perform the Heimlich maneuver on you. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Am I right that we gain a bit more cred if we can prove that we’re not shut-ins, riddled with blood clots, playing Second Life, in Second Life? In our spare time, we are:

Fox Pt Community Gardeners

Rabble, and rabble-rousers:

Giant party-boy hat erectors:

Thanks to Erica S for the photos.

And I really mean smoking. Our kickball team may need to get some nicotine patches from the team doctor so that in the future they can play with both hands. At any rate, the PDD Burnsiders got roughed up by some totally gay pirates earlier today — we need not rearrange the trophy cabinet for these gorgeous bowl-things. (At least I don’t think we won. I didn’t actually ask anybody but it sure looked like losing.)

And it’s still going on, and on, and on. (Last match starts at 5PM.) Get down to the Parade Ground behind the Armory. (Parade Street off of Westminster.)

Finally.

The Hope High Farmers’ Market celebrates its official opening tomorrow.

Every Saturday, starting June 7th

9:30am-12:30pm

In front of Hope High School at Hope and Olney St. on the East Side.

What’s at this market? More after the jump.

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UN Food Summit kicked off this week-

The 2002 menu, published by The Times, began with foie gras on toast with kiwi fruit and lobster in vinaigrette, followed by fillet of goose with olives and seasonal vegetables and ending with a compote of fruit with vanilla, all accompanied by an array of fine wines.

This time the catering was scaled down. Leaders first ate vol au vent stuffed with sweetcorn and mozzarella, followed by a pasta dish with a sauce of pumpkin and shrimps, and then veal meatballs and cherry tomatoes, with a fruit salad and vanilla ice-cream for dessert. The wine was a “straightforward but very acceptable Orvieto Classico”, officials said.

And who the hell knows if it’ll be any good. But, frankly, I’m contented that the L’Epicureo vision of downtown — faux Mona Lisas and armed guards and such — has pooped out.

Let’s hope that Aspire and others take note: Downtown shouldn’t be, and won’t be, the next 5th Ave or Newbury St.