This week: territorial markings, kink, and some truly indecipherable North Jersey gibberish. (NSFW, just stop reading now…)

Q: Hello Ladies,
I have been lucky enough to have a few different ladies over at my place in the last 6 months or so. Some more than others, but every single one of them, at least once, had left behind some sort period-related evidence in my apartment, either in the form of tampon wrappers on the bathroom floor, bloody kleenex bits in the toilet- unflushed, and once an entire tampon, (used) on my bedroom floor. Now girls, you know as well as I that there’s no such thing as a woman not noticing something, ever, so my question is this: is this some sort of territorial marking of some kind? I got no problem with the period, I’m totally cool with the period, I’ve accepted that it exists and I’m willing to work around it, but what the hell?

A: That’s um……reeeally fucking weird. (more…)

They’ve been quiet for awhile, but the Girls are back from The Jerz, answering your ridiculousness like never before. This week: hot bartenders, gay porn and the dangers of not heeding their advice.

Q: Ladies!
I go to a local bar three or four times a week. I have a huge crush on the bartender there, and he flirts with me constantly. I am worried that he’s just being nice to me because he is behind the bar and it is a good way to get tips. How do I figure out if this flirting is real or if he’s just good at his job?

A: He’s just flirting. He’s working to pay off those college loans. He’s flirting, because basically it’s his job to flirt. Essentially, you pay his bills. Look, around – are you the only he chats up HARD? (more…)

This week the Jersey Girls get even more Jersey-centric. Let’s just cut to the chase…btw, absolutely NSFW or anyone really.

Q: Dear Girls, I spent a drunken night with this girl at my college and 6 days later I get this text that says, “I knew I should’ve made you wear a condom. Something just doesn’t feel right.” What the hell does that mean? Am I gonna be a papa or did I give her the herpes I thought my last girlfriend was joking about? Help?

A: Let’s start dealing with this clusterfuck by saying that you, my friend, are an idiot. (more…)

We have a lot to get off our chests this year, and apparently so did you! We asked for your dirtiest deeds and boy, you didn’t disappoint! The following are your actual, honest-to-God confessions and as promised, we kept everyone anonymous and on the up-and-up. Just to get you all tingly, S&M will openly confess the most disgusting thing we did this year: we learned every single word to the new Britney Spears album. We love it. Seriously. OK, now that that’s out of the way let’s get to the truly awful stuff you people did this year. (NSFW, NSF anyone, really…)

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It’s the holidays, people are super busy, we’ve got presents to wrap, so let’s not waste any time and just get right into it this week, shall we?

Q: Ladies,
I’m going to a New Year’s party where I’m going to have to see my ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend for the very first time. We spent last New Years Eve together and the thought of having to see them kiss when the ball drops makes me want to kill someone. Any tips on how to keep my cool in this alcohol fueled sticky situation?

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Although the Jersey Girls spent most of yesterday afternoon driving their SUVs around Providence, single-handedly rescuing panicky children from trapped schoolbuses, they also managed to finish their new column. And they even spellchecked it this time! Sort of! This time they get a little help from another dynamic duo, the legendary Salt-N-Pepa…
As usual, send your anonymous ish here.

Q: Jersey Girls,
I have the biggest crush on this guy. We have insane chemistry and flirt like crazy. I know that he has a girlfriend and even know who she is though we don’t talk. I really, really want to hook up with him and it seems like he’s pretty interested when he’s texting me at odd hours of the night. I’ve kept is pretty innocent until now but feel like something going to give. Am I a terrible person if I go for it? (more…)

Well, better late than never! Our beloved Jersey Girls took a much-needed two week hiatus, and now they’re back, refreshed, rejuvenated, hydrated, and ready to tackle your frankly disturbing sex and relationship issues. The questions are real and anonymous, of course, and the answers are frighteningly real and becoming less anonymous by the week. Way to keep a low profile ladies! As always, find a link at the end to send in your own ish, always anon of course, you can trust us on that.

Q: Hey, ladies.
I am living/studying in Italy at the moment and my game is seriously hurting with the foreign men, due to lack of linguistic skills. I recently had an intense drunken make-out session with a guy from the town where I’m living. He keeps pursuing me, but I can’t really communicate so I keep blowing him off. However, I am secretly anticipating the next random meeting. What can I do to help break this language barrier? (more…)

Each week the Jersey Girls take on your most intimate of problems, if you got ish send it to the girls.

Q: Dear S&M,
I love my girl with all of my heart but her smoking drives me crazy. When I bring it up she says she’d sooner quit me than quit smoking, and that I knew she was a smoker when we started dating. Can she really care about me that much if she feels that her habit is more important than me? Please Help!

A: Oh, please… (more…)

It’s that time of the week again, time for the Jersey Girls to unleash a whole new torrent of batshit crazy on y’all. But this one’s for the lovers. And people who wonder about ball shaving.

Q: Dear S&M,
Here’s the deal: I’m totally in love with my best friend in the whole world…and her boyfriend. I know her boyfriend totally digs me, and she’s asked me more than one time to be in a threesome with them. I’m totally hot for both of them, but to be perfectly honest, the whole three instead of two thing wigs me out a little because I’m kinda shy. I don’t want to mess up their already-rocky relationship and I sure as hell don’t want to lose my best gal pal. I love both of them, and I know the sex would be unbelievably hot… or would it? Are threesomes always a bad idea? What do you think, ladies? (more…)

Maybe it’s the flu meds, or maybe the girls have been watching Gilmore Girls lately, but this week finds the Jersey Girls dropping knowledge on a more sensitive tip. Then they start talking about vibrators. As always, if you have problems drop them a line.

Q: Dear S&M,
I’ve been sleeping with this guy for the last few months. I met
Him at a bar and took him home with the intentions of it being
a one-night stand. Months later we are still “fuck buddies”, but I
want it to be more. I don’t think he does. Should I end it and move
on, or bite the bullet and just be satisfied with what I got? (more…)

Who after just a month of existing as such, have apparently acceded to the cannon of sex columnists of note, according to people who know way more about the subject than we do. They share the “best of” with Dan Savage and Joyce Brothers. And we’re all super-cool by association.

Each week, our resident ladies get down and dirty with your relationship quagmires. This week, I don’t know what they were smoking, but if you’re at work or there are children running around your computer you may want to hold off. NSFW, probably NSFAnyone. As always, the questions are 100% real, (shudder…) and if you got a problem you can take it directly to the girls.

Q: Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night I see my girlfriend asleep next to me and I just want to pack my shit and run like hell…or kill her and hide the body. Is this normal?

A: Sure, this is normal. Normal for someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship any more. (more…)

A day late but still on point, here’s the Jersey Girls, S&M wading through your relationship disasters like it’s their job. Which it is. Got troubles? Talk nice to them

Q: I’m in a pickle! I have been dating a guy for almost 2 months now. He is awesome, he is caring, he is funny, and he has an awesome job. But now, he wants to click the box and be boyfriend and girlfriend. And I am hesitant about it. He has a kid and he’s an awesome father, but I don’t know if I want the responsibility that comes with that AND most importantly, the sex isn’t all that. I believe he knows how to “work the middle” but when our bodies are together and we’re doing the damn thing… I don’t see fire works, I don’t need to smoke a cigarette, and my leg is not shaking. Do I stay in the relationship and take it to the next level with just ok sex with everything else awesome? Or do I tell him, it’s not you, it me and press on? (more…)

Every Thursday, the Jersey Girls deal with your real-life dating quagmires. The questions are real, the answers are scary and real. And yes, they are actually from Jersey. Got a problem? Ask them yourself!

Q: Hey Jersey Girls! You’ve mentioned that bars, class, work, and basically anywhere in real life aren’t the best places to find love. Do you think I’d have better luck online through a dating website like EHarmony, Match.com, or JDate (the one for Jews)
Thanks!…and keep on talkin’ all that ish! (more…)

  As per most everyone in the world, we here at the Dose have sex on the brain. And problems. We’ve enlisted two real-ass broads to help you with your relationship quagmires, and in the interest of anonymity, we’ll refer to them as S&M. Got a question for the girls? tips@providencedailydose.com

Q: I met a girl the other night and we seemed to hit it off, and when I asked her if she’d like to hang out sometime she said yes but; “My schedule is really crazy right now.” Plus, she’d only give me her email address. Should I just forget about this one?

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As per most everyone in the world, we here at the Dose have sex on the brain. And problems. We’ve enlisted two real-ass broads to help you with your relationship quagmires, and in the interest of anonymity, we’ll refer to them as S&M. Got a question for the girls? Hit ‘em where it hurts: tips@providencedailydose.com

Hello all! I’m S, and I’ve been asked by the editors of this fine website to sort out a few of your more delicate problems. I mean, I only know the answers because the same fantasy/fucked up scenario/burning sensation totally happened to a friend of mine. Enlisting the help, knowledge and humor of my very best girlfriend and fellow Jersey girl, M, I invite you to talk dirty to us. Below are actual questions submitted to us this week, so let’s get started!

Q: What is it that makes 21 or 22 year-old girls think, with their extremely limited life experience and/or emotional development, that they’re qualified to give any sort of real advice on sex or love in the first place? (more…)