I so rarely wake up to the sound of people cheering… it’s kind of nice. The Amica Ironman 70.3 (swim, bike, run) is taking place today. The first runners are already coming in, but the last may not cross the finish line until 3:30PM. Some of the city streets affected; Killingly, Valley, Orms, Steeple, Angell, Wayland. Expect detours in those areas.

(11:25AM update: It’s not so nice any more.  Some jackass keeps yelling “Gatorade, Gatorade” over and over and over.)

When former Charlotte NC mayor Harvey Gantt ran (twice) against Jesse Helms, he sought the endorsment of former UNC star Michael Jordan. Jordan’s reply at the time: “Republicans buy sneakers, too.”

An endorsement from Jordan could have helped the popular black mayor unseat one of the senate’s most bigoted members, but Mike sat on the sidelines. Apparantly, Helms’ death prompted Jordan to expound on meeting the racist codger, and to finally endorse Gantt:

“A number of years back, I was in Raleigh at some function and I was introduced to the Senator. ‘Hello Senator Helms, nice to meet you,’ I say, offering my hand. He looks up at me, sizes up my hand, and smiles like he’s addressing the help back at the plantation: ‘Nice to meet you too, Fred.’ I’m like, Fred, huh? No, it’s Michael, Michael Jordan, the basketball player. He just goes, ‘Nice to meet you Fred.’ That’s one crazy mother (muffled).”

Someone later told Jordan that Helms had a “humorous habit” of calling all black people “Fred.”

“Yeah, humorous. Hilarious. It was then that I realized I made a mistake, I should have come out to support the brother. Let him know, if he runs again, give my office a call, we’ll hit the campaign up with all the Air Jordans and Jordan brand apparel they need. On the house. It would be my honor to be the official sponsor - along with Gatorade and Hanes — of Harvey Gantt’s next campaign.”

Let’s first note that calling Michael Jordan - one of the most universally respected people on the planet - “Fred” is just plain disgusting. Let’s also note that Gantt declined the endorsement, citing Jordan’s poor management of the Charlotte Bobcats.

Round Providence, we know David Segal as a Dose poobah and Progressive Dem state legislator, who fights for the environment, affordable housing, progressive taxation, fair school funding, and democracy and criminal justice reform.

But in Knoxville, they know David Segal as the bellicose Ice Bears Right Wing who, according to dropyourgloves.com, fights for basically any reason, to the tune of .55 incidents of fisticuffs per game.

Watch here as the minor league ice-pugilist kicks the crap out of some dude:

Update! Segal has been traded to the Muskegon Fury, where he leads the team in Penalty Infraction Minutes (PIM). Go team! (more…)

You’re right, it makes no sense, but General Colin Powell—formerly Secretary of State, National Security Advisor, and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff—will deliver the keynote address for the U.S. Scholar-Athlete Games—currently taking place at the University of Rhode Island—tomorrow night at the Providence Performing Arts Center. The speech will take place at 7 p.m. and will be followed by a Question and Answer period. Tickets are on sale at the PPAC box office and cost $20 for adults and $15 for students 18 and younger.

And, the ProJo reports:

Schedule permitting, Powell may also lead the games’ first “peace walk ” by about 1,000 competitors and their coaches in downtown Providence tomorrow afternoon. The walk is scheduled to begin at 4:30 p.m. from the park on South Main Street near the Licht Judicial Complex and proceed along the river walk to Burnside Park. Since the games began, in 1993, the goal has been to eventually hold a “peace summit,” said Dan Doyle, the games’ founder and executive director of the Institute for International Sport, which sponsors the games. The peace walk is the first in a series of events meant to lead up to the summit, he said.

And, no, I’m not paying $20 either.

Then she dunked again the next game.

(2:50PM) The 18-hole playoff is on NBC right now. For those at work, go to the U.S. Open site for live-streaming. Rocco Mediate, age 45, ranked 158th in the world, is within one stroke of Tiger on the 13th.

(Update:4:10 PM) Tied after 18, into Sudden Death. This is nuts.

Tiger won.

This story’s been way under-covered in the local media: 20 year-old Providence boxer Demetrius ‘Boo Boo’ Andrade looks set to tear it up in Beijing this summer.

At the Olympic trials a month later, Andrade left nothing to chance, knocking out his first two opponents, then outpointing Keith Thurman by a 48-26 aggregate in their two bouts. That earned him a spot on the team, but Andrade still had to qualify in the weight class at last October’s world championships in Chicago.

“I thought, I just beat everybody,” Andrade says. “Now, I’ve got to beat the people from overseas. How is that going to work out?” All Andrade had to do was reach the quarterfinals to get to Beijing, but he tore up the field, winning by counts like 19-3, 26-6, and 30-9, despite fighting with impacted wisdom teeth.

His final against Thailand’s Non Boonjumnong is a YouTube masterpiece, a flurry of Boo Boo blows that came so quickly the scoreboard barely could keep pace. Andrade, who stunned his man for an early 8-count, was up, 10-1, after one round and won on a stoppage just before the end of the second.

Here’s that video:

In the run-up to the August Olympics, Chinese officials have started closing down the coal-burning power plants and steel mills to clear the air of pollution. There’s just one teeny tiny little problem — the Gobi Desert is blowing into town. Pictured here — pedestrians in the Olympic Green Zone (green for phlegm).  Smoking has been banned in all venues as well.  That oughta help.

The DailyDose-laden Providence Burnsiders play the very first game of the season, against the Scurvy Dogs, in front of whoever’s made it out of bed by noon. Full schedule here.  I should know this by now, but where are we playing? At Dexter Park or something?

Organizers seem hopeful that a pretty, and even snarkier-than-usual, website will make up for the loss of Ted Rao.  There are even team-by-team descriptions and histories – triggering a sinister “Ha-ha!” at the Powers That Be:  You didn’t catch that the Burnsiders are, at least in spirit, but the newest incarnation of the Productivists — with a work-ethic/attendance rate so disgraceful that they managed to get banned from the league 3 years ago.

If you don’t know what any of this is about, check out the ridiculous Today Show story from a couple of years ago.

The Providence Roller Derby has a bout tonight downtown at the skate center. The Old Money Honeys vs. The Mob Squad. The doors open 7PM and the fight, I mean, sporting event should kick off at 8PM.$13 for adults/$6 under 12/children under 6 pay absolutely nothing!

…that the Tampa Bay Rays are sitting pretty atop the AL East. I’m sure that soon enough the forces of the cosmos will right themselves and cast the Rays back down to the division’s basement where they rightly belong, but for today at least, they reign supreme (by half a game). I have long argued that while the Rays are not the worst franchise in sports, their unfortunate placement in the most difficult division in baseball dooms them to be the most futile. For them to ever win that division would require both the Red Sox and the Yankees, the two highest-paid and most consistently dominant teams in baseball, to have have bad years along with the Blue Jays, who would probably be a persistent playoff threat in any other division. Even a wild card shot would require at least two of those three to shit the bed. And keep in mind the Rays have never finished at or above .500, and actually broke out the champagne for the one and only season they finished above last place. Compare that to the three other expansion teams of the 90’s, who are all lucky enough to be in more competitive divisions: the Florida Marlins, 2-time World Series champs; Arizona Diamondbacks, one Word Series championship; the Colorado Rockies, last year’s NL Pennant winners. Meanwhile, even making the playoffs remains a pipe dream for Tampa Bay. So enjoy your moment, Rays. It may be the best you ever have.

No sarcasm, pun, or wit could make this news any funnier. Wonkette reports:

Hillary Clinton’s pick to win horse racing’s Kentucky Derby, Eight Belles — the only female horse in the race — finished second, broke both front ankles, and subsequently was put to death on the track. The first place horse was “Big Brown.” Go nuts.

This makes my Dad’s attempt to find political meaning in the “underdog” Giants’ victory over the “machine candidate” Patriots in Superbowl 2k8 seem even more far fetched by comparison.

By Adam Siegel

If you’re running in it, you probably already knew that the inaugural Providence Marathon (officially the Cox Providence Rhode Races) is Sunday, May 4. But for everyone else, get out there and support Rhode Island runners!

The course begins at the Johnson and Wales Harborside Campus in Cranston (rain or shine), and winds its way through the East Side, Pawtucket, and East Providence before finishing 26.218 miles later in Downtown.

And to those who will be running: just be careful when you cross that line:

Season 8 of the PKL gets underway soon, with auditions on May 10 at AS220, 4:30-6pm.

So it’s time to get your act together.  Anybody wanna start a team with your blogger friends at PDD?  I’m interested, but too busy/lazy to make it happen.

The Kommission would like to see no more than 14 teams

I know, I know, we are jerks. But hey, no one wants to play into October. So here it is: Returning teams get favortism, new teams will be decided upon Registration Day. If there are four slots for new teams, and six show up, we’ll figure out a way to make it fair… but two teams will have to walk away.

Required for Sign-ups

Team Manifesto:
This is easy. Most of you should expect this by now. Since the Kommission would like to continue having around a dozen or so teams, more importance will be placed on this. We’re serious. Make us laugh. Have a tight idea, and follow through. Be awesome.

One added thing… we will be enforcing a minimum team member rule. 15 people minimum per team on the roster. That ensures that each week your team can have the neccesary 10 players plus alternates. (This doesn’t mean that all members need to be at the game every week.)

(more…)

TONIGHT – William C. Rhoden, of the New York Times and that ESPN snoozefest Sports Reporters fame, is appearing tonight at Brown for a discussion regarding race and sport in America. He will appear alongside former Bears and current Oregon State University (way to mess that one up, PC) men’s basketball coach and certifiable “next-big-thing” Craig Robinson, as well as Brown junior student-athlete Nicole Burns.

The panel discussion will be moderated by Brown prof Jim Campbell and begins at 7 p.m. in the Andrews Dining Hall. The talk is free and open to the Brown community, as well as communities of other colors (that is, the general public).

If you have at least a passing interest in both sports and race relations, you should probably go… who knows, there may even be snacks.

Sox take season opener with Oakland 6-5, with Manny driving in Lugo and Pedroia with a two-run double in the tenth. Papalbon not quite in the groove yet.  You gotta love the Japanese… stadium music was Dropkick Murphys of course, and ‘If you’re happy and you know it’.  Watch game two tomorrow morning on NESN at 6:00AM.