I’m going to pretend there isn’t an election going on, just for today…

• American Apparel CEO Dov Charney slapped with yet another sexual harrasment suit. The dude allegedly ran around in his underwear, a lot.
• Kate Moss’s epic birthday party: one hour for every year of her life. Looking at the pictures of her, the party should last 47 hours. Also, Ron Wood: still looking dope!
• It’s creepy when two people who look identical make out.

Because stuff keeps happening…

• Giuliani, $40 mil. poorer and still placing 5th or worse. He should change his name to Undecided and maybe trick people into voting for him.
• Bill Clinton: reject Obama and that tired old black political establishment that he represents. What alternate version of history is Clinton living in?
• Congress wisely decides that this year’s most important issue is the baseball steroid thing, not that pesky war thing that just. won’t. go. away. no matter how much we ignore it.
• New Huckabee advisor wants “A cop in front of every mosque.” He’s also said a bunch of other crazy shit which, naturally, makes him the perfect political advisor.
• This keeps getting weirder and weirder…

I turned on the Internet today and saw that things are pretty much as fucked as usual

• Huckabee wants us all to keep a close eye on any suspicious Pakistanis ( HuffPo)
• A post-Christmas poll shows Dems race is as tight as ever. ( Bloomberg)
• A Pakistani official claims evidence of Al-Qaida, Taliban behind Bhutto assassination. ( HuffPo)
• Violence, rioting throughout Pakistan (video, MSNBC)
• Nepal votes to end centuries-old monarchy, will elect a president to the Himalayan nation ( MSNBC)
• Clinton to Iowans: No more questions. ( LATimes)

We shook the internet and these things fell out:

• The Washington Post takes the Democratic Congress to task, portraying them as “limping” out of the capitol under a cloud of legislative failure and unkept promises. Speaker Pelosi: “Almost everything we’ve done has been historic.” Yes, giving the President over 70 billion dollars after you told us you wouldn’t is probably a pretty historic event. ( WaPo)
• Finally, the National Enquirer weighs in on the presidential elections with the timeless “John Edwards in Love Child Scandal!” You stay classy, Enquirer! ( Enquirer)
• Nobel Peace Prize winner/bloodthirsty killer of innocents Henry Kissinger throws his support behind McCain, meanwhile Crazy Johnny take issue with Time naming Vladimir Putin as person of the year; “[M]y man of the year is one General David Petraeus, our general who has brought success in Iraq.” Oh, that’s what he did? ( MSNBC)
• In the least sexy three-way in modern history, CNN reports Edwards, Clinton and Obama are in a poll-defying dead heat in Iowa. ( CNN)
• Obama and Giuliani debut Christmas ads, Giuliani’s portrays Santa as being weak on foreign policy. Probably. ( HuffPo)

From the dirty webs and the people who love them:

• Ashcroft says he’s willing to be waterboarded. How fucking soon can we possibly make this happen? ( ThinkProgress)
• Who says Americans are politically apathetic, even the dead are making political contributions! ( USAToday)
• That pesky Mormon issue is going to sink Romney like a stone. ( NYT)
• Rove: “Congress Pushed Bush To War In Irag Prematurely.” I am not making this up. ( HuffPo)
• Holy F’n…Huckabee is leading in Iowa! I bet this helped ( RR)

• Record number of utility shut-offs in RI this year.
• Racial profiling still a huge problem in RI
• Environment America gives us a shiny a Gold Star
• Be afraid, be very afraid. Of deer.
• Good guy Bud Cicilline wins Dem primary for rep in Newport