From Wired, a story that seems ripped out of a memorable part of Carl Sagan’s Dragons of Eden:

In what sounds like a dream for millions of tired coffee drinkers, Darpa-funded scientists might have found a drug that will eliminate sleepiness.

A nasal spray containing a naturally occurring brain hormone called orexin A reversed the effects of sleep deprivation in monkeys, allowing them to perform like well-rested monkeys on cognitive tests.

Everybody wants to perform like well-rested monkey, right?

Since everything happening in the world of politics, the war, the election and our government is super-depressing, let’s see what’s going on in the world of celebrity news. This should lighten things up a bit!

• Amy Winehouse is banned from visiting husband Blake Fielder-Civil in jail after he somehow tested positive for a class-A drug, most likely heroin, last week. ( HuffPo)
• The equally loved and hated “Lost” star Michelle Rodriguez gets to spend the holiday in jail after a series of unfortunate fuckups like drinking while wearing a court-ordered alcohol monitor and failing to provide proof of community service after her 2005 hit-and-run conviction ( HuffPo)
• Actress Danielle “Topanga” Fishel, from “Boy Meets World” was arrested this week on a drunk driving warrant in Newport Beach, CA. ( CNN)

Okay, I promise to never do this again…

  Needless to say, “Weird” and “Rhode Island” are synonymous — more great press for the Ocean State:

The Rhode Island Department of Health fined Rhode Island Hospital $50,000 in November because three doctors so far this year have performed neurosurgery on the wrong side of the patients’ brains. (Two patients survived.)

A couple from Swansea apparently won last month’s big-ass powerball jackpot, likely yielding a whole new crop of local “believers” who will squander even more dough than they already do.Lottos suck: They’re super-regressive — far more so than casinos — and while people should be able to gamble, the state shouldn’t actively try to dupe its constituents into throwing away their earnings.

Perhaps the single craziest Rhode Island factoid of which I’m aware: Lotto sales per-capita are tops in the nation, at $1,373 a pop. You read that right. Mass. is pretty bad too — number 5, at $683. ( Those are 2004 stats.) The median state is Texas, at less than one-tenth our per-capita rate.

We shook the internet and these things fell out:

• The Washington Post takes the Democratic Congress to task, portraying them as “limping” out of the capitol under a cloud of legislative failure and unkept promises. Speaker Pelosi: “Almost everything we’ve done has been historic.” Yes, giving the President over 70 billion dollars after you told us you wouldn’t is probably a pretty historic event. ( WaPo)
• Finally, the National Enquirer weighs in on the presidential elections with the timeless “John Edwards in Love Child Scandal!” You stay classy, Enquirer! ( Enquirer)
• Nobel Peace Prize winner/bloodthirsty killer of innocents Henry Kissinger throws his support behind McCain, meanwhile Crazy Johnny take issue with Time naming Vladimir Putin as person of the year; “[M]y man of the year is one General David Petraeus, our general who has brought success in Iraq.” Oh, that’s what he did? ( MSNBC)
• In the least sexy three-way in modern history, CNN reports Edwards, Clinton and Obama are in a poll-defying dead heat in Iowa. ( CNN)
• Obama and Giuliani debut Christmas ads, Giuliani’s portrays Santa as being weak on foreign policy. Probably. ( HuffPo)

According to the paper of record. We appreciate the good vibes, but isn’t there something more newsworthy than our shingle in this here blogosphere?

Isn’t Roger Clemens on the juice? Didn’t a public employee somewhere answer the telephone with insufficient glee about their subservience to the rest of us? Didn’t another twenty-something leave town in search of greener pastures?

But seriously, thanks for giving a hoot. And we’ll never swipe another jpeg from you ever again. Ever.

On Huckabee’s use of religious imagery, Ron Paul told Fox News: “It reminds me of what Sinclair Lewis once said…he says, ‘When fascism comes to this country it will be wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross.’”

Landings always freak me out, and this don’t help.

It’s probably the Lieutenant Governor’s fault.

Here’s your daily dose of what’s burning up the wires…

• Huckabee’s campaign hits a snag over that whole letting-rapists-out-of-prison-then-they-go- and-rape-someone-else-and-kill-them thing. That’ll get you every time. ( HuffPo)
• CIA calls bullshit on Bush’s Iran claims, Bush’s response eloquent, as usual. ( AP)
• It’s a fucking flag people… ( ABCnews)
• Huckabee also completely clueless on matters not rape-related ( Hotline)
• Surprise, Buch administration not too fond of gays in it’s own ranks ( ThinkProgress)
• And in conclusion, a convevience store clerk gets attacked by a monkey.

• Record number of utility shut-offs in RI this year.
• Racial profiling still a huge problem in RI
• Environment America gives us a shiny a Gold Star
• Be afraid, be very afraid. Of deer.
• Good guy Bud Cicilline wins Dem primary for rep in Newport