Don’t think I forgot about my homeboys. I found you fellas out there a little someone special:

Creative Diva Looking for Ideal Man

This 5′6″ cutie has bi-colored eyes and can’t start a conversation to save her life, but she loves getting nasty underneath the sheets. She’s good at it, too, evidently: she has four kids, all of whom still live at home. Dude, now’s your chance to start that band.

If all of that wasn’t good enough for you, Creative Diva has an identical twin. Hot city, ain’t it? The undertone of this ad suggests that Ms. Diva is the “good” twin, while the other mysterious twin is the wild child twin. I say you find out what Ms. Diva looks like, then go find her swinging sista. Maybe she has less children.

Since Ms. Diva posted her ad in Missed Connections instead of the expected Women Seeking Men section, it’s clear that Ms. Diva is either: 1) innovative in her approach to man-hunting or 2) dumb. Either works in your favor. Go get her, cowboy.

Okay, ladies, I found a real winner for you:

Ax Dude Seeks Love

The ad starts with: “I’m sick of being judged by the way I look?”, which, please note, is not a definitive statement but a question, as if the writer wonders if, in fact, he is being judged for the way he looks, not for the weaponry in his hands. “CONSIDER ME WILLY FUCKING WONKA,” demands the ad, before ending with, in a most beautiful irony, “Please, no fatties.”

Go ahead, girls. Fight it out.