I think we all know by know how I feel about Tiffany, the woman who had a bunch of hits in the late eighties despite a total lack of singing ability, good looks, dance skills, catchy songs, or, well, anything positive, really.

So why am I not surprised that she’ll be making her reality TV debut this weekend, starring on–are you ready for this?–Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Wrestling–alongside the likes of Screech, Dennis Rodman, Ian Ziering’s ex-wife, and Trishelle from like nine seasons of The Real World ago.

If the thought of this television program horrifies you–and it should–check out the banner ad from the CMT website.  Tiffany is, I’m pretty sure, the one in the unitard with ab cut-out and arm warmers immediately to the Hulk’s left:

So, yesterday Beth and I were talking about this weekend’s invasion by Gamera Tiffany, and that led to a discussion of Lene Lovich, who covered “I Think We’re Alone Now” (in both English and Japanese!) eight years before Tiffzilla.

Lovich, a Michigander with a voice one might call “kooky,” got a cult following in the late 1970s, and achieved a #3 UK hit with “Lucky Number,” a song that was originally written as a b-side to the “I Think We’re Alone Now” single. (I’m sure this makes no difference to anyone else, but Beth didn’t remember “I Think We’re Alone Now” from her album and I did, but I just learned it’s only because I have the CD re-issue that stuck that song on at the end. So we were both right!)

Anyhoo, here’s “Lucky Number”, and then some versions of “I Think We’re Alone Now” after the jump:

[youtube:http://youtube.com/watch?v=KnIJOO__jVo]

more »

As this blog’s resident expert on 80’s teen-pop and homosexuals, I have to say that I’m doubly shocked and appalled–or at least disappointed and confused–that the headliner of this year’s Pride festival is Tiffany.

Tiffany, a girl who had three, maybe four hits twenty years ago, two of which were covers of songs that were hits for other, better people twenty years before that.  I mean, don’t get me wrong; I thought she was awesome when I was six, but that doesn’t mean I particularly want to hear her now that I’m twenty-seven.  And I say that as someone that still kinda likes The Party.

But, you know, I figured I’d give her a chance.  Last night I listened to her old singles.  All of them, even the ones I didn’t remember, like Radio Romance and the inspirational ballad from the Jetsons movie.  And I can now say with some degree of confidence that I Think We’re Alone Now is kinda lame; I Saw Him Standing There is basically unlistenable.  Could’ve Been is drecky, and All This Time, which is the one I remembered the best, is both drecky and whiny, despite probably being the best of her big hits.

I didn’t think Tiffany’s voice was particularly terrible (although both my boyfriend and my roommate disagreed with me on that point), but the production is amazingly bad.  Seriously, seriously bad.  And I’ve spent the last two days wondering what roomful of adults in Providence (and Atlanta!) came to the decision that this is someone that makes music that grown people should be listening to in 2008.  (Especially since she spent the nineties being born again…)

I have to acknowledge that I did actually like one song, though.  Danny, her first single, which the record company didn’t even bother to make a video for.  I didn’t remember it at all, but it’s got a good chorus, indecipherable though the words may be.  And while yes, it would’ve been better had Roxette done it, it’s probably the only bright spot on a terrible, terrible teen-pop career that probably should have never happened in the first place.