In case anybody was wondering, I think the highlights of the Providence Kickball League championship afternoon looked something like this*:
Cunning Baffling Powerful beat the Death Squad, for the Liberty Division title. The Holy Rollers took the Freedom Division, beating the Mississippi Shakedown. The Stilettos got rocked by the Green Barbarians. (And got hosed down by the fire department… Nobody tell the Mayor.)
The CBP vs. Holy Rollers championship game opened with a monk from the church across the street bestowing a blessing upon the Holy Rollers — a HUGE blow to CBP:
“Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now!”
Though the monk later assured us that God doesn’t actually have favorites in kickball, the damage had been done:
Down 3-1 in the top of the fifth, with the bases loaded and no outs, two CBP kickers failed to drive in runs. With it all on the line, some dude popped a floater towards shallow right. The fielder called for it, as the ball tailed towards — and perhaps past — the foul line. And he dropped it. Two CBPers made it home.
Fair or foul? Foul or fair? Has anybody read the rules?
After a 10 minute conference, the call was made: foul ball.
The kicker returned to the plate, and promptly lined a shot to shallow left, where a pretty phenomenal diving catch was made.
Case closed. Holy Rollers take the title, CBP laments that corruption infiltrates even the PKL Commission, and we’re once again left with no reason to get out of bed on Saturdays.
*There’s a good chance I have no idea what I’m talking about, as I wasn’t paying all that much attention.