Jersey Girls Talk Ish

jersey 2  As per most everyone in the world, we here at the Dose have sex on the brain. And problems. We’ve enlisted two real-ass broads to help you with your relationship quagmires, and in the interest of anonymity, we’ll refer to them as S&M. Got a question for the girls?

Q: I met a girl the other night and we seemed to hit it off, and when I asked her if she’d like to hang out sometime she said yes but; “My schedule is really crazy right now.” Plus, she’d only give me her email address. Should I just forget about this one?

A: Yes. No. Maybe?
S & M agree that we, personally would give our number to a(ny) guy that we had an interest in or attraction to. We’d even venture to say that a lot of our friends would too. If you feel any real kind of connection with someone, you’d generally want them to be able to get a hold of you. Suggesting contact via email, which is probably the most impersonal way to get in touch someone, comes off a little more business than pleasure. Sorry bro, there’s a chance she’s just not that into you.

Then again, to each their own. This isn’t 1952. We know plenty of women with pretty kick-ass careers, in serious grad-school programs, with hectic schedules, pets or kids or fragile plants, second jobs, drug habits, internships, and social lives to uphold. Maybe email really is the best way to get a hold of this chick. Maybe she really does have a crazy schedule. Send her a note. I mean, what do you have to lose? Some broad who might not even have time for you doesn’t email you back? Her loss– NEXT!

Q: I keep seeing this same dude everywhere I go. I think he’s cute, but never know how to start talking to him. Any ideas?

A: If you know the bar scene in this town the way we know the bar scene, then someone, probably one of you friends, knows this dude. If you see him everywhere, then you obviously share a similar schedule, which is at least one thing you two have in common. Another good thing is eye contact, notice if he’s noticing you, don’tlook away if he catches you looking, just turn on your bedroom eyes. If this eye-fucking continues and Mister Right(now) doesn’t approach there is one pretty much failsafe line to open it: “What, Are you following me?” If this guy has any sense of humor he’ll respond. We’re confident that you can take it from there. We can’t feed you the rest, well leave that to the Gansett

Q: My girlfriend has expressed interest in swinging and having sex with other couples and bringing other people into our bedroom. This is all totally new to me, and she has never mentioned it before. I am not sure I can go through with it. Is it a good idea? Does this mean I am not satisfying her? Or is she just a slut?

A: Hahahaha, your girlfriends a slut! Just kidding. First and foremost, everyone is uncomfortable at first with something different. If the idea of this makes your stomach turn, then don’t even think about trying it. You will inevitably hate her for making you do something you’re not comfortable with and resent her for making you feel like you alone are not enough to satisfy her–which is not necessarily what she’s saying with this suggestion. Have you been dating for a while? Maybe she’s bored and wants to mix things up. This is better than her fucking strangers/couples/your roomate(s) behind your back, right? For a lot of couples it’s a way to ‘do’ something new, but still include the person you’re with– without the secrets. She can’t deny what you’ve seen with your own two eyes.

She obviously cares about you enough to be honest about what she wants, you could always use this as an opportunity to do something you’ve had shackled up in that sick head of yours. Trade off. ‘We can fuck another couple if you let me go ass-to-mouth’. Maybe having sex with another couple won’t sound so great to her when she hears you want to tie her up and poop on her or something.

Again, it’s all about what you’re comfortable with. If this is something that you do choose to explore there is one thing that I can’t stress enough; SET THE CLEAREST GROUND RULES POSSIBLE. If she can’t respect the rules you set for something of this nature than tell her it’s not an option or get out now. If she pushes it or doesn’t follow the rules, then maybe she is just a slut.

Q: I just got out of a 3-year relationship. I’ve never acted out before in my life and I’m ready. Most of my friends are super uptight about casual sex, but I’ve been tied down for long enough and need to let loose. How can I be a slut without anyone knowing?

A: The first rule of fight club is: don’t talk about fight club. The only reason people know your business is if you talk about it. Don’t talk about your business – especially with these uptight girlfriends of yours, who are obviously bitter, repressed skanks. Additionally, don’t shit where you eat, or drink or work or fuck people you have to sit next to in class/bars. Keep this separate from your normal social life. Listen, we’re not saying you have to completely disconnect yourself from your social circle, however you need to play the field a bit – and that involves new people in new places – bringing them around after the fact is one thing – however, picking them up when these friends of yours are present is going to make you look bad. [Ed: only guys can get away with this and not look slutty]

In addition, finding at least one sluttish partner in crime is a must. (S <3 M 4eva!) Especially considering the fact that you’re admittedly new to all this, a wingman is essential. Confide in the least uptight of your girls, or try to make a new friend that isn’t so judgmental and is looser. Women need to talk. If you don’t find someone who shares this common interest, your head will implode from the pressure of not being able to gab about it. Or you could not give a fuck at all and be straight with your girlfriends. Let them judge you, as long as you’re happy with what you’re doing, AND BEING SAFE ABOUT IT, and not hurting anyone else in the process, do whatever you want. You’re young. If you can’t make questionable decisions now, then when?

4 thoughts on “Jersey Girls Talk Ish”

  1. I like your stuff! The obvious pool of experience that you two are pulling from and the calm, sensitive and tactful (heavy sarcasm here) manor in which you share your thoughts and suggestions is helpful and definitely fun to read. Looking forward to staying in touch with S&M!

  2. Yes! a good group of nonjudgemental friends, who are just as slutty as you are is the best remedy to those nights where you’re feeling a tad bit whore-ish….just remember, you’re not a slut, just a player! As the editor noted, guys do it all the time, so why cant we have our fun too ? Everyone needs some good lovin from time to time! I’m totally feelin on you S&M chicks <3

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