Jersey Girls Get All Real On You

It’s that time of the week again, time for the Jersey Girls to unleash a whole new torrent of batshit crazy on y’all. But this one’s for the lovers. And people who wonder about ball shaving.

Q: Dear S&M,
Here’s the deal: I’m totally in love with my best friend in the whole world…and her boyfriend. I know her boyfriend totally digs me, and she’s asked me more than one time to be in a threesome with them. I’m totally hot for both of them, but to be perfectly honest, the whole three instead of two thing wigs me out a little because I’m kinda shy. I don’t want to mess up their already-rocky relationship and I sure as hell don’t want to lose my best gal pal. I love both of them, and I know the sex would be unbelievably hot… or would it? Are threesomes always a bad idea? What do you think, ladies?

A: Threesomes can be tricky to say the very least; especially when you’re the third and the couple involved is super close to you. Our personal opinion about threesomes is that they are best left to people you have very little romantic and emotional attachment to. You answered this question for yourself without even realizing it. You said you are “In Love” with your friend and her boyfriend. Once everyone shoots their loads, eats their sandwiches [Ed: Wha?] and smokes their cigarettes where does this leave you? They go back to being a couple and you go back to pining after them. That sounds like loads of fun…or NOT! Whether we choose to admit it or not, sex changes everything. You never know how vulnerable you or anyone else involved can get once the clothes come off and the red wine buzz winds down. We find it hard to believe that with all of this build up sexual tension between the three of you things could go back to “normal”, whatever that was. Think with your head and not your hoo-ha with this one. It sounds like your treading on thin ice.

Q: Dear S & M,
Are bisexual girls just slutty or what? It’s like Doublemint gum: Double the pleasure, double the fun, but seriously, what’s the deal?

A: We think we need to clarify. There is a huge difference between actual bisexual girls and idiot bitches that make out with each other at bars because they want boys to look at them. We know plenty of women who have kissed/messed around with/ straight up fucked other females (who us?), but in our eyes, a true bisexual woman doesn’t just munch box. A real bisexual woman actually dates women. There are women who are just into the physical aspect of being with another woman. Call them slutty or greedy or smart if you want. We’ll just call them tomorrow. Just kidding, or are we….

Q: Dear S&M
These days a lot of men prefer their partners to have a neatly trimmed nether region, while some even prefer bald. A totally bald vagina freaks me out and seems unnatural. Why do so many women go completely clean-shaven? Women in adult films commonly depict this image. Do you think that’s why the mainstream male is so into this? Does it matter to a woman if a male’s pubic area is full, trimmed, or bald?

A: Like everything in life, there’s different strokes for different folks. Snatch grooming is at a woman’s discretion. It’s a lady’s right to choose if she wants to look like 4 year old or something more commonly seen in national geographic. Basically, if a woman feels more comfortable clean-shaven then that’s how she’s going to keep it. A lot of women really are influenced by the images they see in adult films or in Playboy or on their favorite frequented hard-core porn websites. What? Who said that? That’s weird. Seriously though, tons of chicks shave because they think they’re supposed to, or because their friends do. If you like your lady sporting a bush then speak on up! We know plenty of women that would love to never deal with razor burn, ingrown hairs, or scalding hot wax being slathered on your asshole by a complete stranger.

Now, dudes and public hair is another story. Many woman prefer a “trimmed” dude, and some even mandate ball shaving. Again, this goes back to the comfort stuff we mentioned before. It’s whatever you prefer for yourself. We personally appreciate a clean trim. An added bonus to trimming your pubes, gentlemen, is that it makes your dick look bigger! Imagine that. Some of you could use all the help you can get. Besides, there’s not much less sexy than watching your lady pluck a ball hair from between her teeth. While a totally bald penis can seem a bit porny, a lot of women might agree that it’s better than trying to find yours in a mountain of hair. We will sum this up with some advice we clearly struggle with ourselves: just keep it clean.

Got problems? Let the girls sort them out!

3 thoughts on “Jersey Girls Get All Real On You”

  1. nickhitsitfrombehing

    easy way to look at trimming for naughty part areas. If you expect your woman to do it then the same goes for you at well.

    At least thats how we role in South Jerz…

  2. Dearest S&M,

    Thank you for answering my question on pubic hair, and an excellent column as a whole. It is great to hear the opinions of of two obviously knowledgeable ladies.
    All the best.


  3. disagree completely

    As a fortunate male with a phenomenal girlfriend with adventursome, sexy friends- your take on the threeesome thing is one-sided. If the girlfriend asks the friend to join the party for a minute she should indulge. This is her best friend, right? If thats true, then the outcome wont be uncomfortable- it will be addictive. That is if the boyfriend doesnt retreat into the first-time-threesome-mind boggling-dick softening pressure. Took me a few tries to get that right.

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