The Jersey Girls Present: Your Disgusting Confessions of 2007

20060824-confessional

We have a lot to get off our chests this year, and apparently so did you! We asked for your dirtiest deeds and boy, you didn’t disappoint! The following are your actual, honest-to-God confessions and as promised, we kept everyone anonymous and on the up-and-up. Just to get you all tingly, S&M will openly confess the most disgusting thing we did this year: we learned every single word to the new Britney Spears album. We love it. Seriously. OK, now that that’s out of the way let’s get to the truly awful stuff you people did this year. (NSFW, NSF anyone, really…)

  • I pee in the dorm showers ALL THE TIME!
  • I innocently went on a family cruise this summer and somehow I ended up making out with a married guy in the disco tech
  • I had sex twice in one day with two different people about 4 hours apart. I guess that’s the dirtiest thing I did this year.
  • On Christmas last year instead of spending time with my family, I ended up with my best friend – and her best guy friend – in NYC. We got totally hammered and at the end of the night, ended up naked in the hot tub. One thing led to another and we had sex, and then anal sex, and then I went ass to mouth. I know it sounds totally gross, but being bent over a hot tub in a haze of champagne makes you not sweat the small stuff. Next time, I’ll watch it. Holler!
  • I was hooking up with the chick (who I’d been hooking up with off and on) and as I started to finger her, I found a used condom (uh, not mine) inside of her.
  • I gave road head in an open, top-down jeep wrangler while driving down Atwells Ave. at around 3:00 a.m.
  • I was going down on a girl, and after awhile I looked up a noticed she had fallen asleep.
  • I have an old guy friend that I’ve slept with a couple of times. He’s notorious for getting bored with most girls that he hooks up with but for whatever reason – we ended up staying close friends after we “got it out of the way”. He had been seeing some chick for a few months, but I never took the girls he dated seriously since I had seen so many of them come and go. I finally met his new lady during a night of heavy boozing. She went home early but he and I stayed out after dropping her off. About 2 hours and 5 drinks later we were having sex at my place while she was sleeping at his. I didn’t realize how serious they were at the time and the two of them ended up dating for a while. Here’s the worst part: she ended up being really cool. I never told her, how could I? She and I became friends. She’ll never know I slept with her boyfriend.
  • Last summer was my ‘summer of love’. I went out with a ‘man’s mentality’ and wanted to have consistent no-strings attached sex. I had steady ass and things were feeling pretty nice…then that weekend at the shore happened. I slept with 5 people in 7 days, one each night. Making it a total of “9” for the summer. Talk about increasing your numbers and quick!
  • As an ode to what was, I’ll admit it. Talk of The Town got me laid 3 times in 2007. I’m worried my sex life will suffer with its closing. R.I.P. TOTT.
  • I was taking a shower, and I hadn’t shaved my nether regions in a few days. The only razor available in the shower was my step dad’s. So I started using it. A few minutes into the shave I realized it was one of those Mach 4 vibrating razors. Well, 45 minutes and two orgasms later I was perfectly groomed.
  • I had sex with on two consecutive nights with two different ladies. When the second lady noticed and asked about the mysterious whitish stain on my bedspread, I told her I spilled some eggnog.
  • The Jersey Girls return from the holidays next week (Jersey Shore bitches!!) with a brand new advice column. As always, send in your always anonymous problems, questions, and issues.

    5 thoughts on “The Jersey Girls Present: Your Disgusting Confessions of 2007”

    1. I agree! i love feeling better about my dirty deeds b/c you guys are bigger dirt bags than i am. now, all you guys have to do is SEND THEM IN!!

      Thats the deal. send in your confessions and we will post them. Maybe we will start a “confession of the week/month”. fair?

    2. maybe a few confessions could be included in each week’s post? ya know…just for fucks and giggles.

    3. I am so ashamed! But I love it! Just know I’m already thinking of what things I can do for 2008 for some more confessions. Could this confession column happen once a month? Just so I feel better about myself?

    4. Reading this is a lot more fun trying to figure out who’s confession is who’s. Reading this is a lot less fun when you know one of these dirty deeds belongs to your sibling.

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