Dear Rolling Stone,
Here is a list of things I don’t ever want to think about ever:
1. Mick Jagger getting off
2. Keith Richards getting off
3. Jack White getting off
4. Ryan Seacrest getting off
And as much as I am generally annoyed by your publication, I would like to humbly thank you for having the courtesy to not make me think about Ryan Seacrest’s sex life today.
Yours,
Matthew Lawrence
PS–Why is it that suddenly “Passing The Torch,” “Investigating Bush,” and “One Congressman’s Crusade” all sound like the titles of dirty movies?
I have thought about number 3. I feel so ashamed.