There’s a Halloween-themed episode of Days of Our Lives on right now, people! Chelsea is crying and saying that everyone hates her, the way she does every day; the mother of EJ’s unborn baby is going to jail for murder while Bo and Hope taunt her; and someone is trying to break into Sami’s house and her response is to wake up Hilda, the large woman snoring on the couch. Oh, and now a dumpy-looking woman is fighting with a guy named Max that looks oddly like a dinosaur in what appears to be a pirate-themed restaurant.
No, wait, it’s Halloween, I guess that’s a costume. Ooh, and now someone I’m going to call Tall And Gangly just walked in.
And now EJ’s being all hunky and English. I’m so distraught that Days is getting cancelled soon. Oh, and now there’s that commercial for life insurance with the family after the funeral. Which, incidentally, is one of my favorite commercials, mainly because its tactic is to say “women need life insurance, too!” and then a booming voice comes on and says “she’s right!”
UPDATE: Tall And Gangly is taking pills! Chewing them, actually. I’d make a joke about him being ten million strong and growing, but he’s already like 7’2″. And Bo thinks it’s appropriate to just walk into a pirate-themed restaurant and announce that he arrested someone for killing Trent.
UPDATE 2: The guy breaking into Sami’s house was actually FBI, and (I guess) Sami drugged her FBI agent maid. And now that bleak cinema verite-inspired Clorox wipes commercial is on.
UPDATE 3: When I said Chelsea before I meant Stef. My confusion is understandable, I think she was reading Chelsea’s lines from any other episode ever. Also, the mother of EJ’s unborn child is Nicole. Days, unlike many other soap operas, assumes you know the names of its characters and so doesn’t make everybody repeat them in every sentence. For me, who only watches the show erratically, this can be a dower. But now dumpy Melanie is threatening a sexual harassment suit.