- Obama has selected Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State – mostly likely for her hard work, dedication, and enthusiasm for Earl Grey tea.
- Sit down for this one. Seriously, sit down. Are you ready? Have you braced yourself? We’re officially in a recession. You definitely heard it here first.
- Christians are outraged about a soon-to-be published gay version of the Bible called The Princess Diana Bible. While religious groups are objecting to the book’s portrayal of Aida and Eve, many gay-rights groups are concerned that the title is ‘toe-up’ and ‘too gay to function’.
- The government of South Africa has decided that, okay, their country might have something of an AIDS problem on their hands. Maybe.
- Australia tanked at the box office this weekend. It’s a crushing defeat for Nicole Kidman and koalas, but a small victory for taste and functioning foreheads.
- Nobody watched Rosie’s cringe-worthy variety show, prompting NBC to yank any further-planned episodes. I have nothing clever or witty to add to this jaw-dropping newsflash other than to say that, in 2001, Rosie O’Donnell cut me in line to see Moulin Rouge at a Lowe’s theater in New York. She cut me, and then proceeded to scream at her assistant on the phone – much to the displeasure of me and everyone else within earshot. The following week, Rosie invited a young man that she had met (in the very same line) onto her daytime television program because she found him ‘adorable’. Said young man was a boy who happened to go to my college, and who my friends and I called ‘model boy’ for his chiseled good looks and studious love of white powdered substances. Rosie O’Donnell invited model fucking boy onto her shitty show, and not poor, suffering, equally adorable me, and finally, finally, sweet Jesus has answered my prayers and punished Rosie for all of the cruel and unusual ways that she has wronged me over the years, and that’s just about all that I have to say about that, thank you very much.
7 thoughts on “News Slap: Glaringly Obvious Edition”
You caught me, I had no issue with Alec’s jacket, it was an elaborate ruse to get him undressed. Alec, that jacket is all wrong, let me help you, and those pants, so 2007! Those briefs, no take ’em off!
Hands off, Jeff – silver, beefy Alec Baldwin is mine! I’d do him, even in his ill-fitting outfit.
I’m gay, but watching the Liza and Rosie duet made me reconsider vaginas as a form of recreation. Does Rosie not understand that no one likes her? And what was up with the Urinetown bit? Hello, 2001 called, it wants it’s theatre back.
How did I get that far into the show? Tivo and liberal use of the fast forward button. Maude, even Alanis Morrisette blew on that craptacular.
Oh! And who dressed Alec Baldwin. I still think he’s hotness in his current puffy incarnation, but he had one button done on his jacket, and his gut was hanging out, then he unbuttoned it, and I sighed with relief, then he rebuttoned it!
And what the hell was that Kathy Griffin thing? Seriously, what!?
Someone give Cher a new variety hour so she can cleanse our brains.
Girl, you ain’t gay if you liked her in Cabaret; you gay if you pay $120 to see her in 2008.
I also own a copy of Liza with a Z, and sometimes just watch it with the commentary on. I think that makes me pretty damn gay.
I thought Liza Minelli was great in Cabaret.I’m not gay.Why would one have to be gay to appreciate Liza Minelli when she was at the top of her game?I have no problem with gay people-the question is about the performer.
I actually watched the whole thing, and can attest that it truly was a television abortion. The only semi-interesting thing was Jane Krakowski’s strip-tease, which really just reminded me how funny she is and how much I hate this season’s 30 Rock.
And yes, Rosie made it it Liza with a Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z. Coincidentally, I’m seeing Liza in NYC on Sunday, which possibly makes me too gay to function.
It’s not entirely true that Nobody watched Rosie’s horrifying excuse for a variety show. I endured at least 8 minutes of it, with her monologue consisting entirely of “I’m a fat lesbian” jokes, an awkward duet performance with Liza Manelli, immediately followed by the uncontrollable hemmoraging of all the orifices on my head.
For one, Rosie is much better appreciated as a fat, ugly, (not to mention earth-shatteringly stupid – have you SEEN her blog??) lesbian when the insults are coming from someone else. I like her much more when she doesn’t actually have to be experienced.
Second of all, while Liza was to-par fantastic on her own, once Rosie chimed in with her miserable excuse for a singing voice, it was all over. I didn’t realize that Rosie negative energy was so powerful that she actually turned Liza’s performance quality into the negative.
Needless to say, shortly into the program, I exorcised the Tele-Demon of Rosie with rapid-action channel changing. My entertainment system deserves a written apology for tolerating this mega-twat for the few minutes she was visiting my living room.