In Cinemas This Week

Want to know what’s coming out at your favorite cineplex this weekend, without the hassle of visiting another site? Well friends, look no further! Here’s a preview of all of this week’s new releases.

  • The Day the Earth Stood Still
    Director: Scott Derrickson
    Starring: Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates, Jaden Smith, Jon Hamm
    General Release

    The Day the Earth Stood Still stars Keanu Reeves as an alien named Klaatu. If that first sentence isn’t an automatic deterrent (and who could blame you?), this might just be a guilty little piece of popcorn fluff to take the edge off of the insanity of holiday shopping. The film also boasts Jon Hamm of Mad Men fame (“Don Draper, you dirty dog!”), which is reason enough to sit in the back row with a trench coat over your lap and a smile on your face.

  • Delgo
    Director: Marc F. Adler, Jason Maurer
    Starring: Freddie Prinze Jr., Jennifer Love Hewitt, Val Kilmer, Chris Kattan, Kelly Ripa, Michael Clarke Duncan, Eric Idle, Malcolm McDowell, Burt Reynolds, Lou Gossett Jr., Anne Bancroft
    General Release

    Ten years ago, Freddie Prinze Jr and Jennifer Love Hewitt co-starred in a movie called I Know What You Did Last Summer. It was the pinnacle of their careers, and the duo are now better known as Senor Vampire Slayer and some sort of ghost/dog whisper, respectively. In fact, I’m quite certain that the only people who know that these two has-beens are still alive are Sarah Michelle Gellar and the sad women who watch emotional Friday night television programs. The fact that FPJ and JLH have top billing in this (poorly) animated film should tell you everything that you need to know, but were afraid to ask, about Delgo.

  • Nothing Like the Holidays
    Director: Alfredo De Villa
    Starring: John Leguizamo, Debra Messing, Freddy Rodriguez, Alfred Molina
    General Release

    Christmas movies centered around adorably dysfunctional families are made to make you feel better about your own maladjusted familial unit; it’s Hollywood’s one charitable gift to the Christmas-celebrating world. As a result, people tend to see anything that has ‘Christmas’, ‘Holiday’, or ‘Santa’ in the title (as with the recently dreadful box office hit Four Christmases, or the inexplicable Santa Clause trilogy). This week’s offering is called Nothing Like the Holidays. While it won’t exactly re-invent the wheel, the strong supporting cast should make this the most bearable of a predictably lame genre.

  • A Christmas Tale
    Director: Arnaud Desplechin
    Starring: Catherine Deneuve, Matthieu Amalric, Melvil Poupaud, Chiara Mastroianni, Jean-Paul Roussillon, Anne Consigny, Hippolyte Girardot, Emmanuelle Devos, Emile Berling, Laurent Capelluto
    Avon Cinema, Providence: Evenings @ 7pm, Saturday & Sunday Matinees @ 1:30pm

    Alors! Zee French do everything better. Zay cook better, zay make love better, and zay make of zee Christmas movie better. Remember how I snarked about Christmas movies, oh, 20 seconds ago? I obviously didn’t mean foreign Christmas movies. Foreign Christmas movies have subtitles and full-frontal nudity, both of which are scientifically proven to make you a better, smarter person. This one’s getting rave reviews, which just might restore this grinch’s faith in the les films de Noël.

  • Patti Smith: Dream of Life
    Director: Steven Sebring
    Starring: Patti Smith, Lenny Kaye, Oliver Ray, Tony Shanahan, Jay Dee Daughterty, Jackson Smith, Jesse Smith, Tom Verlaine, Sam Shepard, Phillip Glass, Benjamin Smoke, Flea
    Avon Cinema, Providence: Friday & Saturday @ 4:30pm & 10:05pm

    In this delightful yuletide romp, songstress Patti Smith reluctantly discovers the true meaning of Christmas amidst the zany antics of her adorably dysfunctional family.

    We should be so lucky.

    It reportedly took 12 years to make this documentary. While I would have spent that time convincing Ms Smith of the merits of deep-root hair conditioning and the importance of a daily makeup routine, director Sebring has focused on things like ‘poetry’ and ‘artistic integrity’ which, I’m sure, will please long-time fans of Smith’s prolific career.

1 thought on “In Cinemas This Week”

  1. I don’t know, Klaatu’s supposed to be robotic, so it might be okay. Although the original is so good I don’t really want to see the remake.

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