Yaz: Or, Why A Woman Shouldn’t Be President

joan crawford in 'Straightjacket' For baseball fans Yaz will always mean one thing — Number 8, Carl Yastrzemski, Hall-of-Fame outfielder for the Boston Red Sox. Now comes Bayer HealthCare Pharmaceuticals (whose greatest hits include Heroin) to sell you Yaz, the drug for that thing you didn’t know you had. Attention Women — this is how The Man keeps us down!

As we all know, women are completely out-of-control for an entire week during their periods. You can’t even talk to them and why bother.  Then scientists in lab coats invented PMS — extending one week before, and one week following a woman’s period — during which a woman is of course completely out-of-control.  But wait, the ‘researchers’ have discovered something new, the heartbreak of PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). Fortunately the Bayer website is here to help: Let’s Talk Symptoms! (Same as PMS but now you are really getting on your boyfriend’s nerves.)

Some negative side-effects reported during trials, from their own website, included,

…  intermenstrual bleeding, headache, nausea… decreased libido, emotional lability [touchy, easily pissed-off] … nervousness… depression… weight gain… vaginitis… diarrhea, increased appetite, enlarged abdomen… acne… and urinary tract infection.

Is this really getting us anywhere? Look, ladies, if your life sucks right now it probably has more to do with AIG than PMDD.  Don’t buy into this nonsense, and stop perpetuating these phoney-baloney syndromes. They’ve got us diagnosed as crazy and irrational for three weeks out of every month.  And get “I’m really PMS-ing right now” out of your phrasebook — it’s why men won’t vote for us.

4 thoughts on “Yaz: Or, Why A Woman Shouldn’t Be President”

  1. Yooo, I totally agree that the term “PMS” has been over-used and pathologized, but PMDD is kind of a real thing. Granted, only a small percentage of women have it (the guesstimate is usually 3-8 %) but it exists. A friend of mine – who’s typically a really cheery person – gets so depressed before her period that she can do little else but sob in bed for a couple of days. Sucky but true!

    But anyway, 92% of women don’t have this thing, so maybe we should keep it under wraps in order to win a few elections.

  2. Am I the only guy out there who actually -enjoys- that the ladies’ moods are often so variable? It’s like having three girlfriends in one.

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