Death has been no friend to the glitterati this summer. In truth, Summer 09 is playing out like a real-life celebrity slasher flick, and this weekend was no exception. Frank McCourt and Walter Cronkite are the latest victims cut down in the prime of life, and Hollywood has been left wondering: who’s next?
While we at the Daily Dose do not currently have the technology to accurately predict the identities of any future casualties, we can remind A-Listers and D-Listers alike of The Rules, a practical how-to guide for surviving the most gruesome of horror films:
- Never have sex. This is important! If David Carradine had simply gone on a tour of some Buddhist temple instead of having Thai trannies tie his junk up with shoelaces* he’d probably still be alive today.
- Never drink or do drugs. This is your brain. This is your brain on Jesus Juice and Demerol. Got any questions?
- Never, under any circumstances, say “I’ll be Right Back.” I have absolutely no way of proving this, but I think it’s pretty obvious that Billy Mays probably spoke these exact words right before he left us for that big OxiClean infomercial in the sky.
With roughly six more weeks left for brazen rule breaking, who do you predict will throw caution to the wind and fall victim to Summer of Celebrity Death 09? Our comment lines are open and waiting to hear what you have to say.
*Allegedly, and according to a fellow reveler at the PKL shindig at Nick-A-Nees last night.