Joe Roch

I'm small and hairy, and I like to watch.

(How To Survive The) Summer Of Death

Death has been no friend to the glitterati this summer. In truth, Summer 09 is playing out like a real-life celebrity slasher flick, and this weekend was no exception. Frank McCourt and Walter Cronkite are the latest victims cut down in the prime of life, and Hollywood has been left wondering: who’s next? While we …

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Emma Watson to Appear in Providence TONIGHT

Attn: wizards, mudbloods, and randy fanboys! Emma Watson, future Brown scholar and the most important thing to happen to Providence ever, will be making a midnight appearance in the Capital City later this evening. Four appearances, actually, as the PPM Showcase has 4 (four?!) midnight showings of the new Harry Potter movie. Really? People still …

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Big Ones, Blagojevich Style

I’m sure at some point on your I-95 travels you’ve encountered a large automobile with truck nuts — the tackiest must-have auto accessory since the dream catcher. Truck nuts serve the dual purpose of allowing the owner to feel comfortable about their own meager serving of god-given gonads while simultaneously alerting other travelers that they’re …

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Pope Speaks. Gaylarity Ensues.

My fellow fallen Cat’lics, here’s yet another reason to avoid midnight mass this year: Pope Benedict has declared that stamping out homosexuality is as important a task as saving the rainforests. “The tropical forests do deserve our protection. But man, as a creature, does not deserve any less,” quoth Big Papa B. “[The Church] should …

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In Cinemas This Week

Want to know what’s coming out at your favorite cineplex this weekend, without the hassle of visiting another site? Well friends, look no further! Here’s a preview of all of this week’s new releases. Milk Director: Gus Van Sant Starring: Sean Penn, James Franco, Josh Brolin, Emile Hirsch, Diego Luna, Victor Garber, Denis O’Hare, Stephen …

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News Slap: Holy Hairbrush Edition

Hair as feathered and fine as Rod Blagojevich’s requires vigilance, mousse, and a special Paul Mitchell hairbrush the crooked guv bizarrely calls “the football” (the article also contains other anecdotal nuggets detailing HotRod’s hilarious spiral into megalomaniacal madness). In case you missed the highly amusing video of an Iraqi journalist fucking a shoe at Bush’s …

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In Cinemas This Week

Want to know what’s coming out at your favorite cineplex this weekend, without the hassle of visiting another site? Well friends, look no further! Here’s a preview of all of this week’s new releases. The Day the Earth Stood Still Director: Scott Derrickson Starring: Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates, Jaden Smith, Jon Hamm General …

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News Slap: Gubernatorial Faux Pas Edition

Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has just been nabbed by the Feds for allegedly hocking Obama’s senate seat and cock-blocking the Chicago Tribune. If you think his hair is hilarious, wait until you hear how he used a comparison with Nixon as the basis for his innocence. Not sure what to buy the auto industry this …

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In Cinemas This Week

Let the Right One In Director: Tomas Alfredson Starring: Kare Hedebrant, Lina Leandersson Scholars predicted that it would take at least 100 years to right the wrongs that tween-tastic Twilight inflicted upon the vampires-on-film genre, but this offering promises to atone for all of those crimes – and then some. Billed as a Swedish romantic …

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News Slap: Glaringly Obvious Edition

Obama has selected Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State – mostly likely for her hard work, dedication, and enthusiasm for Earl Grey tea. Sit down for this one. Seriously, sit down. Are you ready? Have you braced yourself? We’re officially in a recession. You definitely heard it here first. Christians are outraged about a soon-to-be …

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News Slap: ‘Why Am I Working Today?!’ Edition

Don’t worry, children; you’ll be drunk and bloated in 24 little hours. Until then, feast your bellies with this. God bless our crumbling infrastructure! Obviously baby Jesus is punishing NYC for its wicked transportation ways. Hot dang, how come the Chinese do everything better than us? Obama is fighting!…to keep his Blackberry Sad girls who …

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In Cinemas This Week

Australia Director: Baz Luhrmann Starring:  Nichole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, David Wenham, Jack Tompson With a film shoot beleaguered by unpredictable weather, an outbreak of equine flu, and the complete unmalleability of 78.4% of Nicole Kidman’s face, the production of Australia appears to have been about as enjoyable as mouthful of Vegemite.  Now word has leaked …

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News Slap: Unemployment Edition

ZOMG, Little Rhodey got a shout-out during BBC’s Newshour on NPR this morning! The Brits love us! Yay, go RI!! Wait, why are the British discussing our miserable economy, miserable governor, and miserable accents? Doh. On the plus side, if you are one of the few Rhode Islanders who actually has a job, now’s as …

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Providence Daily Dose